• 5 years ago
  • 285 Views

I have lied about my identity and gender because of my insecurity and impossible desire to be a boy.Impossible because my parents would never accept to become a transgender or something like that and I’m not even sure if I want this.In real life I like wearing make up I like bags,boys paintet nails just girly stuff and at the same time I like girls too a nice ask would catch my eye I like male clothes games ,long hair etc..It’s so f****** confusing I don’t even know who I am.Here comes to the lie.I have a girlfriend.We are together for 1 year and 8 months now.She’s the last person who believes the lie.I stopped talking to the other girls I have lied to.But with her is harder I can’t let her go cause i fell in love.I really fell in love.Even I have lied to her about my gender and looks everything else I have said to her was real/facts and that’s the other thing she’s the only person I have opened to.I have a broken family I suffer with depression,anxiety and health problems.I have tried to kill myself by 3 times and I still have suicidal thoughts.Its like she’s the only thing that makes me happy and alive.We talk everyday for hours. She makes me laugh she helps me to be a better person in real life she helps me deal with my personality she makes me fell like a NORMAL confident person.I think about my future bc of her and I want future bc of her.I don’t have anybody else.I have never been loved.I’ve never had someone who really cares about me.Shes the only one.She have teached me what love is.If I lose her I would just kill myself for real .But I don’t want to lie anymore.I blame myself for this every fck day.When she’s not texting me I feel the guilt in my chest and it is suffocating me.I see the monster that I am when she’s not around.I don’t know what to do.Its the best and the worst thing in my life.I have been thinking of meeting psychologist but I don’t have money.My parents either.They even get mad at me when I’m sick bc they have to pay for medicine.I am fck disgusting.

All Comments

  • I’m not being judgemental or condemning you, but you need to see a therapist, big time. WHOLE lot of personal issues visible just from your post. But not ones that you can’t get a handle on with professional mental health help.

    But you’re a minor, sounds like, so that might be hard to do without telling your parents why. (Then again, maybe not… you could always tell them you’re really depressed and need counseling without telling them all the reasons why.) My only other advice would be not to try transitioning until you’re at least 18. Most people who think they might be trans when they are younger decide they aren’t later, and you can’t really reverse the effects of testosterone therapy.

    Anonymous November 10, 2018 7:21 pm Reply
  • I think you should go to therapist to talk about this but I would recommend someone who is going to be fine looking at it from a professional point instead of just right away telling you to get this and that types of surgery. According to what I’ve seen lots of people will end up wanting to get their surgery/surgeries reversed and especially sense you are young often young people will end up realising that they are just fine as they are and will end up getting rid of their dysmorphia. You are trying to hide it but I still think you should have told your girlfriend as it’s not fair to her sense she doesn’t actually know and if it goes far enough in some places you can get criminal charges for lying to her about something this big especially if you have or will end up taking it further then just cuddling and making out. There seem to be some online sites that offer free therapy from professionals or at least a period of time where your therapy will be free (trial), so you will not need to pay if you don’t have enough money to. Even if seemingly it might not be as reliable than going there physically. You should be able to find one easily as these seem to be moving on to even mainstream platforms, sponsoring people for example.

    Anonymous November 11, 2018 12:20 pm Reply

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