To call this guilt would be an understatement. I feel fucking terrible.You want the whole story? One of my earliest memories.I must have been about 6,and

8 years

634 Views

To call this guilt would be an understatement. I feel f****** terrible.You want the whole story?
One of my earliest memories.I must have been about 6,and we had a babysitter. She must have been about 17 years. I remember her putting me on the bed, and removing my pants and giving me a bottle of moisturiser or something to play with. She was wearing a black skirt, and she reached up and removed her p******.Then she straddled me. That’s all I remember. She left later, but nobody knew about this.
I didn’t even know what this was until much much later. When I was about 8, I told my cousin who was my age about this and I didn’t know how describe it so I showed it her. Fully clothed I asked her to straddle me. She did and both of us remained pretty confused.
It’s was when we were about 12 that we started learning about s**.I don’t know what the f*** was wrong with me but something clealy was. I was just so f****** h****, and this is 4th grade. I talked 3 boys into giving them blowouts in the washroom. Of coures I didn’t know the word b******, but that’s what I did.
Things get worse. when I was 12, I talked my cousin brother who was 9, into letting me touch him, and him touching me.I gave him blowjobs, and he me when I asked. I played with his a**.we both stopped it after that.They moved to another country later.

I got caught watching p***, and my dad beat me. Can’t blame him. I was being a f****** freak.I peaked at a p****, whenever I could,even if it was family. I masturbated fantasizing about my older cousins who were frequently at our place,and neighbors.
Later when I was 15, I made s***** advances on my cousin sis.I asked her if I could touch her,she said it’s okay,and I was touching her. But never the p**** directly and we never had s**.
I am 20 years now. And I still remember very single one of these memories like they happened f****** yesterday. I have never had s**, and now when I think about s** I feel f****** nauseated and guilty.I can’t m*********, because I can’t get a f****** erection. I have so much f****** fear and guilt and shame about my actions and whatever consequences that might happen. I don’t know how I’ve damaged every other f****** undeserving person who had the misfortune to meet me. I can’t get my self to do anything because I f****** disgust my self and I know I’m not suffering enough for what I did. I fucked up my childhood and the memories keep coming back clearer than ever, and I don’t know if the only way to stop it is to put a bullet through my f****** brain. I tell my self I’m not going to do that because I’ve sinned enough and don’t need more s*** on my plate. I am trying everyday to be a better human being but these memories just keep throwing me back into fear and shame and confusion.
Don’t tell me I’m going to alright, but please, say something.what I am I going to do?

New Confession

Red Honda civic type r at best buy

Carspotter416

Related Confessions

I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.