I don’t need sympathy, this isn’t a cry for help. I see someone already, so please – I really don’t need advice on how to fix my mental state. I just need to get some stuff off my chest.
I’m 19. I’m a pretty girl. I have friends, I’m smart and talented. I live in a fantastic home with a family who loves me (despite the fact hey drive me insane sometimes), and I go to university. I should love my life despite the fact that I have my hardships – everyone does – but most of the time I wish I was never born.
I have a generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and misophonia that impact my life daily. It was worse before, the the point of being very suicidal, but now that I’ve crossed that bridge already I can’t go back there… I’ve already established I won’t kill myself for religious and family reasons. And truly, to the core, I don’t want to die.
Is it wrong that I hate living a lot of the time? Am I selfish for wishing that I could just die? I was in a car crash recently and it was a miracle I lived, and although I was happy to be alive for the next couple days, I just sunk back into the reality that I absolutely hate Earth. I have an alcohol addiction, and fortunately I’m pretty under control right now, but I constantly find myself craving it because I don’t know how to cope with stress and relationships. Also have some horrible self confidence issues.
I just needed to get this out. I truly believe that only I can fight this and no one can help me, which is what makes this ten times harder. I take meds, which help, but they aren’t enough.