• 1 year ago
  • 2 0

I don’t need sympathy, this isn’t a cry for help. I see someone already, so please – I really don’t need advice on how to fix my mental state. I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

I’m 19. I’m a pretty girl. I have friends, I’m smart and talented. I live in a fantastic home with a family who loves me (despite the fact hey drive me insane sometimes), and I go to university. I should love my life despite the fact that I have my hardships – everyone does – but most of the time I wish I was never born.

I have a generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and misophonia that impact my life daily. It was worse before, the the point of being very suicidal, but now that I’ve crossed that bridge already I can’t go back there… I’ve already established I won’t kill myself for religious and family reasons. And truly, to the core, I don’t want to die.

Is it wrong that I hate living a lot of the time? Am I selfish for wishing that I could just die? I was in a car crash recently and it was a miracle I lived, and although I was happy to be alive for the next couple days, I just sunk back into the reality that I absolutely hate Earth. I have an alcohol addiction, and fortunately I’m pretty under control right now, but I constantly find myself craving it because I don’t know how to cope with stress and relationships. Also have some horrible self confidence issues.

I just needed to get this out. I truly believe that only I can fight this and no one can help me, which is what makes this ten times harder. I take meds, which help, but they aren’t enough.

All Comments

  • I’m glad you have a therapist. Try group treatment as well. You need to feel connected to others who can really understand what you’re going through. Keep fighting. Things will get better in time.

    Anonymous September 15, 2018 7:40 pm Reply
  • You are not alone in feeling like this. Continue help and no you’re not “wrong” for feeling this way but you need to consider how also fortunate you really are. There are so many people who would kill to live your life no matter how bad you think it is. You’re just in a vortex at the moment but it does get better once you learn the tool to cope. Plus, you’re 19…I’m 32 years old and trust me I’ve been there…life is a rollercoaster but honey (not in a condescending way) you haven’t even BEGUN to live yet or had the true opportunities to. Just wait.

    Anonymous September 16, 2018 5:35 am Reply

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