I often feel bad for most people, I can smile to their face and say I’m fine and act like them, talk like them, dress like them. It’s all just a big facade.
I’m not actually at all “normal” in societies terms.
If I may tell you my personality in public here’s how it goes ….
I act all nice and shy and care about how I look, but people don’t know that, and I look cute and innocent enough your grandma would probably like me.
But on the inside there’s someone or something else to be honest.
I don’t feel like myself when that person or that thing is around, it’s like it takes control of me. It likes to drink, it has thoughts of suicide, murder, and many other things.
I want to kill something, I want to drink whisky and cry in it. But that isn’t me that’s the person or the thing controlling me.
I feel like there’s 3 more people inside of me that I can’t control. And it’s not like DID where you can’t recognize what personality it is, and you don’t remember what the other one did.
I can switch personalities in a blink of an eye without myself noticing, but I’ll remember what I said.
I feel scared of myself and of others.
And I can’t control it, it’s like someone I don’t know but who I want to know.