I wish I wasn’t such a baby… I never used to be this starved for attention but ever since I was abandoned consecutively twice by two separate lovers who had come to mean everything to me and whom I was with for years, it hurts so much. I’ve been betrayed by the people I loved and trusted the most. Time and time again it’s happened. I was even f****** raped by my best friend. And recently, within the same week, I lost my other best friend of over 13 years AND my longtime therapist who came to my aid when I tried to commit suicide and was one of the best counselors I’ve had in DECADES had to move away.
I just feel so alone now.. the one other close friend/LDR?/what-are-we who is left in my life has been really really busy these last few months, with no sign of it slowing down anytime soon.
I try really really hard not to make this other peoples problem because I know more than anything its not right.. but I feel so terrible in these moments that I’m a depressing sadsack to be around, and since I don’t want to be a killjoy and drag other people down, I keep to myself as much as possible until it blows over..
But I’m still lonely… f****** miserably so.
And I don’t have the money to afford a therapist often enough to cry to over it until I can dig my way out of it… so what do I do?
I feel like a lost cause… I’m trying not to give up, but I’m just… so.. f***** pathetically *sad*, ya know?
._. god… even my confessions are pathetic.
