Sometimes I wish my husband would die. He’s so disgusting and messy. He’s autistic and literally cannot empathize with the woman he married. I was traumatized by my first boyfriend who was high functioning. My husband was diagnosed after we were married for two years. I have my own emotional deficits and there were times I felt so mocked and steamrolled that I would hit him. I concussed him earlier this year. I am an abuser now, after being gaslit an infinite amount of times all to simply get out of doing household chores. I just wanted him to act like he respected the space he shared with the woman he claimed to love so much. I just wanted reciprocation. I’m stuck, and trapped. I wish either I would die or he would.