I have schizophrenia. And I feel like a terrible waste of f****** space. Cannot think, talk, laugh, cry, eat, sleep, or feel anything. I suffer from delusions, hallucinations, and sleep disturbances.
Everyday is f****** worse. I feel guilty because I cannot hold a job, I cannot express any emotions or have my mind work as good as someone without mental problems.
I do hear voices, a few months ago before I was told I have it, I heard the most dark, evil f****** laugh in my right ear as I fell asleep. And I hear them talking about me, how pathetic and worthless I am, sometimes it sounds like the voices are from a static television outside my door.
I see dark masses that look so real, I’ve seen dark figures walking through a room, shadows int he corner of my eyes, bugs everywhere, one time I was in the living room reading a book and I saw a dangling hand in my view, I got goosebumps as it was twitching violently.
The world seems a lot darker and threatening since it has grown, my BF even says he can see the change in my personality and the way I say and do things.

I am sorry if this is confusing, I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve been wanting to die so bad so I don’t suffer anymore, and what s**** it I don’t have a psychiatrist to fall back on, they take their sweet a** time to get me just one appointment! It’s like a punishment for having a mental illness! “Oh you need help? here wait 6-8 months for an appointment.-or- “Sorry you don’t have medicare! can’t help you even though you need it to survive!” That’s what I go through…Still am, sadly. They make the system hard.

Thanks for reading.
Mental illness isn’t funny or a good thing to have. It’s like a nightmare you cannot wake up from.