Someone treated me really really wrong and I do not know where to go from here. I already have known how bad life is and can be, the worst sort of things that can happen in the world. This happening to me feels like, a complete disregard of everything that I have always dreamed, desired, prayed, and suffered for. I have been crying for two days. There is a sort of mystery to the pain that I’ve suffered that I begin to doubt the goodness of God. Right now I am without faith and am feeling unfufilled in the way that comes from giving someone the biggest, special-est piece of you, trying, and realizing that they never appreciated you for who you were when I am completely innocent. Even if things change drastically in the future and suddenly they realize and are able to communicate to me my true worth I think that we are both so deadened by this experience that I do not know how I will go on. Them not knowing how much I care for them is draining me of all my energy and there is a knife twisting in my heart. That they might suspect how much I care for them and they still do not care makes me want to shoot myself up my own v*****. I ask the world how many people I have hurt in my life. I ask the world how often I try to do the right thing. The answer is that I have genuinely been a good person because I have seen the worst from an early age. I ask the world why I cannot be loved in the slightest way by the one person I have ever really really cared about being loved by. I ask the world if it is too much to ask for, for just one message so I do not feel like the world wants to kill me through cruel and unusual heartbreak. I ask if I can please be shown that they are going to remember me for more and that they won’t forget me. I think about them with another woman and my heart is split into pieces. Please give me the strength to go on with my life and for them to be a part of my life. Please give me the strength to not feel disappointment, and their shame, regret, fear, and anger when I look him in the face. Please allow me to feel human after being dragged through fields of broken glass in hell. Please allow me to stop asking myself if they really felt nothing at all for me.
