As a foster child, I was molested by one of my foster fathers. His wife walked in on him in the act of r***** me. Her response was to pack up their children and leave. She left me and my sister there with him. He was free to do with us as he pleased. And he did.
I’m an adult now. I have a strong, stable, healthy relationship with my husband of 20 years. We have kids who are awesome.
A few months ago I subscribed to one of those paid people sites to search for my extended biological family. Out of the blue I decided to type in his name. Fully expecting to see he had a record for child molestation. He didn’t. Not only that, the wife who left us with him went back to him. They are still married, have kids and the icing on the cake she is a child therapist specializing in s***** abuse. I’m so mad that he never had to pay for the torture he put us through.
Here is where I am very disgusted with myself. Using an alias, I sent him, his wife and their child a message via fb stating that I was his illigimate child. I just wanted to disrupt the foster parents lives. To inflict pain like they had to me. But, in my haste I didn’t stop to consider his adult child’s feelings. She now thinks she may have a sister in this world. It wasn’t her fault he was a monster. I’m so infused with guilt I can’t sleep. I’m the monster now. I’m normally a very considerate person who thinks things through rationally and I conduct myself so I don’t have regrets. Until recently.
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As hard as it may be, write her back and tell her the truth that she doesn’t have a sister and apologize for it. I don’t know if you should tell her about her father’s abuse- maybe you should because he may (very soon) have grandchildren that may need protection from him. I’m sorry you had to have those experiences. I was a foster child too (thankfully, I was never sexually abused) but I was forced to lie about sexual abuse by CPS workers. If you have a few minutes, would you read my story and offer any advice you have? Here is the link: https://simplyconfess.com/a-pain/160704
My story is right next to yours. From one foster child to another, I wish you all the happiness in the world.
You have every right to screw up that man’s life. If his children are casualty that’s all his fault for doing what he did.
clear misscomceptions up then continue calling that pedophile ass out and hopefully get his ass in jail.
Statute of limitations is up. I can’t or without a doubt I would.
Isn’t there no statue of limitations for child sex crimes? While this bastard may have gotten away with it, there is always something you can do, especially since this is an election year, it is a great time to do it- call and write or even visit your state senators, legislators, representatives, or even the govenor and share your story, your pain. Let them know how the law impacts you and potential future victims. If you don’t care about privacy, you could make fliers, a website, facebook group, get ads in the paper making people aware and get support, petitions, etc. The government can only ignore you for so long and they are much more responive in an election year because they want to make every one happy to get the vote. You could really make a change in the lives of a lot of people who experience these crimes. Do you mind if I ask which state are you from? Now, can you please read my post? From a former foster child. ?
California.
Change your state’s law on child sex crimes- no statue of limitations. The new law could even be named after you. You go girl!
From a former foster child again, what I really want to know is how do you have such a happy and successful marriage and family? I’m very happy you do. But because I was ripped from my family, I’m constantly scared to form new relationships for fear of them ending or being interrupted by CPS. It would break my heart again if I had children and one damn call to CPS from a loose end ruined my life a second time. I wish I could learn to love with no fear or strings attached. What if I cannot emotionally bond with my children because I’m afraid of losing them? Please give me advice about how you got over your pain enough to have a family. Deep down, I want one despite what I say. You are an inspiration to me for the face that you were able to love and trust again. ?
My last foster mom told me when I was little I was a chameleon. At risk of sounding all new agey/crazyish im an empath. I easily absorb others energy. I had too much shitty energy growing up. I couldn’t wait to be an adult. Make my own family. I just wanted what others seemed to have. Early on, I wasn’t really good at attracting the best match for me. I was so needy. Once someone showed me the kind of attention you get at the beginning I was hooked. If I felt their attention was not on point I’d act out. Pick a fight, try to break up with them, I continued to perpetuate the drama I said I hated, the drama I’d known my whole life.
Finally, before he was my husband, B and I were in an argument. I pulled my regular crap. Silent treatment, stewed in my self pity, blew the little shit out of purportion. Finally he asked me what I gained by behaving the way I was. I had to take some time and think about why I was behaving badly. I’m introspective by nature however, I’d never thought about the deep internal motives. Later we discussed it more. He told me that as a lifestyle choice he tries to always begin with the end in mind. If I wanted to run relationships into the ground I should continue behaving badly. If I wanted to be free of the anger I should behave accordingly. It, for me, was a lightbulb moment.
He didn’t put up with my crap. It took many years before I could trust him to the extent I do. I’d be lying if I told you I am (what I consider) “normal” I still feel more comfortable having a plan B. Meaning a way of supporting myself in the event he leaves. He has never given any indication that he would ever leave but it’s what I need to feel comfortable.
Thank you for the advice. It means a lot to me. You opened my eyes to some truths about myself- I may be too needy and desparate for love that I push other people away or let good ones go. I’m going to follow some of your husband’s advice to you. Again, thank-you so much.
you do you boo