8 years
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Mental health awareness movements give me conflicted feelings because I have been suffering in silence for such a long time that whenever I see someone publicly discuss their mentality, a part of me goes “Shut the f*** up. I have to do it so why do you get the right to speak?”. The other half sympathises, understands and obviously encourages.
I resorted to self harm (stopped now) and am still battling suicidal thoughts every single day of my life, but could never speak out as throughout my life, no one takes me seriously. My family condemns the idea that I should ever feel bad. They obliged me to be grateful and keep up the image. I don’t have the guts or money to get help & I am very scared. This morning I wrote another one of those cliche “last email” that I know I will never send. I wish I have the courage to end it.

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