i've lied to my friends and my girlfriend. i love them all so much and they've been here for me. i grew up abused and alone, 2 years ago i met my best

8 years

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i’ve lied to my friends and my girlfriend.
i love them all so much and they’ve been here for me.
i grew up abused and alone, 2 years ago i met my best friends dawn, cheyenne, and moose who is like my father figure despite being a girl.
2 months ago i started dating my girlfriend bella.
they have always accepted me from when i came out as bi, when i started identifying as genderfluid, when i was self harming, and through my depression.
but i’ve lied a lot about being happy.
i love my friends and i’m so so in love with my girlfriend.
she’s not my first relationship but she is my first love.
i’ve lied about being better, i’ve lied about not being jealous, i’ve lied about being okay.
they think i’m fine but i’m not.
i think about suicide all the time, i feel so hollow, i feel like i’m not enough…

everything about me is so unnatural from my face to my body to my sense of humor, i just feel like an alien.
i have so many problems that i don’t know how to deal with.

they’ll all leave me someday but i just want to hold on for as long as possible. i am not worthy.

New Confession

My girlfriend told me that after school we could go to her house and have s e x. She said her mother decided it was safer for her to have s e x at home than in the back seat of a car.

She said we could go to her bedroom and do it there. She told me that the door had to remain open. I was a little hesitant about that but I guess we’ll have to be quiet.

Then she told me that her mother would be there to supervise. She explained that her mother would be in the room, watching, for safety. She said we could have all the s e x we want and as often as we want but only with her mother present.

I have to think about that. It’s odd to have her mother right there while we are doing it. It is a chance to bang her really good and often and get my co.ck sucked but I don’t like the idea of her mom watching everything. I don’t want to miss the opportunity but I’d like to bang her privately. I’m not sure what to do.

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I had a litter of 4 puppies. I’m down to 3 now. I killed one… by accident. I’m feeling so so guilty. It’s been 3 weeks since they were born and it was about time they were administered dewormer medication. The vet told me only 1 pill per puppy (4 pills in a packet). A pill fell out 1 of the puppies mouth. I didnt see and thought it was the puppy next to the pill that didnt get it. I gave it to the puppy. In 3hrs time the puppy started breathing fast and died a short while after. The body was lifeless. Tears filled my eyes. I grew attached to them like they were children. As I was burying it, tears fell into its grave, with voices in my head ” you killed her”. Repeatedly…