Around 5 years ago I spent a lot of the year sending s***** messages to a 13 year old girl online. I was 25 at the time. I have no interest in younger girls in real life but it was taboo and some part of me liked the fantasy of it. I never got pictures from her and I never met up with her in person but I definitely would call it explicitly s*****.

It was illegal and wrong and I’m so glad that I stopped, but I’ve spent the last several years feeling like a p************. Every time I try to move forward with my life the thought of this pops up in my mind to remind me that I don’t deserve to be happy, that anyone who interacts s******* with a child, fantasy or not, is forever fucked. I hope she is ok. The guilt is like a death sentence. I’ve suffered a lot for this. All I want to do is get on with my life but I feel like I can’t, the thought is always there. How do you make friends and date knowing that you have done this sort of thing? A big part of me thinks I’m being too hard on myself and i was just indulging in a fantasy, it wasn’t real, but deep down I know that’s just me trying to justify the unacceptable. I need forgiveness and grace. Please understand that I have committed to never doing this ever again. I’m sorry.