I’m stuck in a terrible cycle of sin. I sometimes get a random, seemingly unprompted urge to m********* for no reason. It seems to be triggered by fear and anxiety, not s***** arousal. I’ll just be alone in my room, and a thought will suddenly pop into my head: “what if I masturbated right now?” And once that idea comes into my head, I get scared that I’m going to actually do it, which just makes the feeling in my groin stronger. Eventually, I give in and m*********, and I feel guilty once I’m done, but that guilt just makes the urge stronger yet. So I just keep doing it over and over, hundreds of times, until my body physically aches from orgasming so many times. Like I said before, it’s not triggered by s***** desire, but by some weird response that my body and brain has to fear. I feel so bad about it every time I do it, and I pray over and over for forgiveness, but it just keeps happening. I would do anything to make these thoughts stop, because I’m so tired of sinning against God by m***********. Sometimes, when I get the urge to m********* out of fear or anxiety, I conjure up a violent, graphic image of self-mutilation (like chopping my own head off, setting myself on fire, etc.) because it’s the only thing that can make the urge go away.