20 years ago there were two boys that adored me. The first one was tall and built and I felt protected a round him. The second one was a smaller guy that was basically a goof. He was cute in his own way. We all hung out together and it was just a small group of 8 of us or so. I chose to date the first guy. He introduced me to s** and drugs. The ‘smaller’ guy started distancing himself from us but still attempted to show affection to me. I kept pushing him away because I was dating the other guy. He later left the area claiming to do “better things.”

Shortly afterwards my boyfriends introduced me to cocaine. I started stripping. I got implants. He dumped me. I became a mess. Out of no where the small guy shows up and still tries to tell me he wants to be with me. I tell him to just go away because I’m living a great life. Yeah right it ends up being nothing but abuse, stripping, prostituting, and jail stints for DWI. But he still popped up once in a while and while in jail he was the only person that send me letters for a while until I told him to stop.

Now 20 years later he is a doing great in Hollywood and gets paid to be as goofy as he was in school. He has a secure lifestyle and what few friends I have left that we share say he just got married but asked about me before and saying that he still cared. I’m back to living with my older sister since getting out of jail for my 3rd DWI. I missed my mom’s funeral. I have to wear an ankle monitor and can’t leave the house except for meetings with my PO.

Now I feel horrible for dismissing the smaller successful guy. I sometimes wish I ended up with him and not with the guy I started dating that introduced me to a lifestyle that makes me want to kill myself. I could have been a mom and been happy wife instead of this diseased infected drug addicted mess of a person that can’t leave a house.