– Sometimes I stayed because I just needed to belong somewhere. I used him to feel stable, like a temporary life raft I would let go of eventually, while I ”fixed myself.” It doesn’t matter if I reasoned I was trying to help him, too, build him up. That was dishonest of me to promise anything while I was like that. I was so fixated on fixing the world around me, I forgot this was a person I was promising things, and not just a facet of reality I could shift and manipulate. And that’s what I did. I’m sorry.
– I was never honest when I knew we weren’t compatible. I was too embarrassed to admit I was wrong. I kept clinging to the hope that it would all work out in the end. Have a happy ending. Maybe I could change myself along with him, even if it didn’t work out. B*******. I should’ve just said, maybe we should just be friend first..
– I should have spoken up about the things I was REALLY unhappy about. No matter what I was afraid of him thinking.
– I shouldn’t have come back. It doesn’t matter how I felt, it was not moral on so many levels. To him, to myself, and to humanity in general. By coming back, I essentially said, what he did and does doesn’t matter and it’s alright. Nothing will wash the stain on my soul for this. I feel like I damned myself along with him. By staying, I chose to do that. I can not be forgiven for this. I can not be allowed to be around the young girls I feel like I betrayed. I feel like a leper.
– I became something I didn’t want to be, in order to save this mess of a ship from sinking. But remember I chose to stay, so the ultimate responsibility rested on me. I’m responsible for myself. And what I became. Desperate, clingy, amoral, prideless, and no self esteem.
– I’m sorry for the dishonest things I did. And that’s all. We can never go back, and to try would be farce, even if we both wanted it to work out. And I don’t think either of us wants to try again. At all.
– I know and believe there is a good person in there. I hurt him. And what I’m sorry for most is that I pushed him further by setting to do something I couldn’t accomplish, and making promises I simply wasn’t able to keep. And that’s the greatest tragedy of all. I was never your savior or soulmate, even if I wished hard that was. I felt responsible for you, and compromised so many things about myself but to no end. You hurt me, yes, and not lightly. But in the end, what I did was worse. No matter what an outsider might say. I took soemone’s hope and humanity and I twisted it. I did that to you, Sebby. No matter my “intentions” you were never so cruel to me.
