I am addicted to smoking meth. I’ve been addicted for many years (5+), & have never had an issue with having to stop here to there for different various reasons, but have always ended up going back to it.
I have a 6 month old child, and was heavily using meth (every day, pretty much) when I found out about the pregnancy, & I immediately quit. Not once during the pregnancy did I use. After my child was born and we came home from the hospital, I told myself I was never going to use again. I wanted to better myself & provide my child with the best…
I failed them. My child was two months old when I decided that it was “okay” to use again, so long as I “didn’t make a habit out of it again.”

Boom. Immediately I was back to using almost every day.

My child is now just over 6 months old & I feel like I can’t get through the day caring for them if I’m not high. I’ve told my significant other multiple times that I don’t want to do meth any more, & that I want to get clean. I’ve suggested that we don’t get any More, that we get rid of our paraphelia, even mentioned enrolling myself in a rehab program. My significant other said I shouldn’t because they fear of our community finding out and placing judgment upon us. We are also afraid that if I was to go to rehab that DCFS/CPS would take our child from us.

Don’t get me wrong, while I know my addiction is wrong for I am a parent now & that makes me LOOK like a bad parent, I am not. Even though I’ve acknowledged my addiction is out of control, I care very well for our child and make sure our child has everything they could need and desire. Our bills are all paid, and we have plenty of food to eat and drinks to drink. Truthfully, when I’m high I feel like a better parent then when sober to be completely honest. The moment our child makes a whimper or any sound other then their beautiful laugh I am there attending to whatever their needs may be.
S***, I’m awake all hours of the night (obviously), constantly checking on our child while they sleep just to be sure they’re okay and that the blanket they sleep with isn’t covering their face.

Also, I don’t smoke in the house where our child resigns. I will go outside to our shed or to the garage, keeping a baby monitor on near by in case if baby begins to cry. And any time I return back to baby from smoking I make sure to wash my hands & put on hand sanitizer before making any kind of contact with them or any of their bottles/toys.

I know I need professional help, but I don’t know how to ask or who to go to. If anyone has some advice or helpful suggestions WITHOUT BASHING ON ME, it would be greatly appreciated.

-K.