my dads been abusing me for as long as I can remember. All my life ive been a b**** to my mom because my father used me and manipulated me and I feel so guilty because I’ve grown up hating my mom and now shes the only person I have. I grew up with breakdowns after my dad would beat me beacause I was convinced he was the only person who could and ever would love me.

Ever since I left my dads house he has been stalking me. I’m in a really dark place. Between the court cases and everything I have felt so numb. The only person I ever though loved me hurt me and near killed me. He comes to court in his luxourious car and shiny suit and no one believes me. I just want to SCREAM he HURT ME. My school doesn’t believe me, no one does except my mother whom I am still learning to love.

Ive met the boy I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’s beemm by my side throughout everything. But for some reason, between Suicidal thoughts, Cutting myself, and Suicide attempts; I decided to cheat on him with a boy I barely knew. The boy ended up leaving the school and when rumor spread I convinced my friends he was expelled for s******* assulting me. I dont know whats wrong with me. My poor boyfriend, my poor friends, and the poor boy I cheated with. I feel so guilty and so so so so so broken. Again and again I am used and used and used. The things I have done are so wrong but I just want to let go. I want to let go of all the people who have tried to hurt me and I want to let go of all the hate I have bubbling up inside me.

I dont want to die and I dont want to be guilty anymore. I am so so so so sorry.

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