• 6 years ago
  • 335 Views

How can a person feel good after confessing such evil… I even choked a puppy once and played with its c*******. I can’t ducking believe I’m writing this out. Even though it’s anonymous I feel like I’m somehow gonna get i.p. hacked and murdered for my wrongdoings. Part of me is telling me that I can’t admit this not on here not to anyone because then I won’t be cool… I have some serious demons and I have overcome them but am now feeling guilt after the fact. Shame. Embarrassment. So there it is I’ve done awful things. Very awful things. I’ve done very nice things too. I’m not going to list any of the good things because they aren’t the problem. Guilt is my problem at this point. And shame. I am a recovering meth addict who was abused as a child. I’m now a proud father 2 years clean from meth. I’m struggling because of these awful things I’ve done. They have been weighing me down with self hatred. I no longer can not have admitted these evil things. I don’t ever wish to do evil things like that again. I feel like I crossed all my own barriers. Like I devolved. Even as a kid I was breaking glass. Stealing stuff. Lying breaking Into houses. I’ve stolen Christmas presents. My whole concept of right and wrong has been blurred. I don’t know why. I just know that it’s clear, and has been for a while now. That’s why this guilt and shame have been so overwhelming. My main problem is the idea that every can read my mind, and that everyone is always talking to me and that I have to think what I’m doing. As if I’m telling someone. But not physically saying it it’s like an internal voice. If there is a God and there are angels, please help me. I mean seriously don’t leave me unattended. I don’t know what to believe or who to trust I have a child of my own. The whole reason I am trying to be good is so I can be a better role model for him. But as soon as I started to be good instead of straight evil, I felt so much shame. So much guilt. Self hatred. Suicidal ideation, murderous thoughts. Things I can not have inside my head. Ideas that I wish I’ve never even thought of.

All Comments

  • One way to overcome your feelings of guilt could be to “compensate” for the things that you regret doing in the past. Random acts of kindness towards strangers, etc could definitely help you forgive yourself and move on. Just make sure you dont repeat any of it again because its a slippery slope.

    Anonymous March 10, 2018 3:30 pm Reply

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