I had been living an antisocial life, partly because of my autism or something. Looking back I see how it affects me. I did weird, I thought weird. Easily overcome by trauma. I look back at how badly I behaved at my college graduation, my mom scolded me so badly. It was a hangover from my preschool graduation when I cried badly resisting to wear the cap and gown. Strangely enough, I developed a fetish if looking at academic gowns on the internet just to kill time, and my graduation trauma wouldn’t come up. I had a “pen pal” whom I pestered to see him in academic dress and boy was he annoyed! To like seeing others in costumes you yourself don’t want to wear just because of a trauma: weird!

Speaking of killing time, you may say I am addicted to looking at certain things on the internet just to kill time. Games, fetish, etc, things you wouldn’t admit to your loved ones. I’m working as a freelance translator and I would simply think I had enough time for fun but then I would tend to put too much time for fun I would end up putting work last and work late.

Being antisocial meant having few friends. As a child I got bullied a lot in school. Made me shy to socialize, join clubs etc. Worst, it made me hard to control emotions! I even developed senses of distrust towards my family and friends! I was said to have good IQ but poor EQ. Looking back made me wish I had undergone therapy to remove all this trauma before adulthood!

Antisocial also meant thinking weird. I recalled a grudge I had against a band or two I once had interest in just because I thought the name meant bad luck in another language. (I talked about this in this site but under the category a pain, idk why) To the point that I asked the radio station to stop playing them. Such childish thinking, such senseless belief! (i was around 14-15 and I was a nut for astrology and superstition) When these came back to me as an adult it would mortify me into depression, and it happened at least twice. Deeply sorry to the Mfftts, 5ve and fans out there.

All this also gave me a fear of being judged over all this later on and in the hereafter. felt my life was so unfulfilled. So I thought I should begin a quest to cleanse my soul to forsake all this negativity. From mantras to meditation. In search of happiness and putting all this behind once and for all. Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind