To be quite honest, I’m not sure if this is even a guilt. But hi, I’m someone who gets easily attached to others. And I always end up getting hurt. It’s that cliché we’ve all heard about, even if it doesn’t feel like a cliché. Because if you know you’re going to feel the way you do at the end of the day, you would’ve stopped before even thinking about starting. Yet you start. I always do.

Since recently, we have this new guy in class, and he’s just an example. He made me crazy really. For no reason. Gosh I don’t even know what to say… So I guess I won’t tell you about him. It’ll help me with telling myself he’s not important. I won’t waste a single word on him, even though I have millions. He treated me like s***, because I was overwhelmed, and I think he thought I had a crush on him. But that’s not the point.

Truth is I feel guilty as hell for feeling, for simple feeling. And I feel guilty for feeling guilty. He should be the one thinking about all this right now, not me, but I know he doesn’t. I mean, should I even feel guilty? For anything? One thing I know I should feel guilty about is not being able to the son of a b**** go…

Just a couple days ago I read this: “Some girls are full of heartache and poetry and those are the kind of girls who try to save wolves instead of running away from them.” I can’t remember identifying with anything the way I identified with this. I’m full of heartache and poetry, and I would try to save a wolf. And I feel right now like that wolf is my heart. My broken heart. My pile of messed up emotions that I should give up on but I won’t.

I hate what happened with that guy. I won’t give him a name. He’s just a guy, no more. I’m fighting to forget him, and I’m also fighting to hold on. I’m torn between two sides, but sharing is at least a start. I’m that girl full of heartache, and I will save my wolf. If I’m strong, I’ve won.

Oh and he can go jump off a cliff.

I don’t feel guilty for saying that. I smiled.