He took hold of me in the night. He took my strength and made me weak, helpless and vulnerable. Little did I know that he had violated me and my maidenhood was gone. Who was he? I had no clue at the time. Years had past and i had found love through circumstances and a child was born out of it. Then soon I became “biblical”, a type of christian that honors both the old and the new tesament of christ. All is well in my walk in the faith until I read Deuteronomy 22:28-29. The scripture brought back unpleasent memories and it made believe, even still unto this day, that the man who molested me is “rightfully” my husband ( According to the law given to Moses by God *Exodus 31:18* and approved by christ *Matt. 5:10-11*). The law says that in order for a young girl to be married she must have first “passed the flower of her age” *1 Corinthians 7:10-11*: I had started puberty at the time. The two involved in the act must have been found: My older sister was the only one who knew at the time. In order for the marriage to be finallized the molester had to purchase me from my father: He had never done this. Knowing these things makes me feel unconfortable sleeping with my childs father. I feel as though I am spiritually stained by the possible engagement (marriage) with my molester. Before I met my childs father the man who took my maidenhood coffessed and asked for my forgiveness. It was easy to forgive him and accept a marriage between us bacause I knew him and I loved him deeply. We grew up together. But I was still hurt; he sayed he loved me yet he raped me? He conciders himself christian yet he refuses to have me as a wife despite what the scriptures say. Is his feelings towards me of love or of lust? So since he deoesn’t want me is it okay to sleep with another man? Even the scriptures say that “if they seperate let them stay unmarried” *1corintians 7:10-11*. Am I committing adultery? I feel guilty for not telling my dad these things. I feel guilty for sleeping with another man. My molester is both guilty and ashamed for what he did. LORD forgive me for the things i don’t understand; maybe it’s time for me to be alone. Yes, It’s probably best that I be alone. I need patience, love and guidence.
