I had a great friend and husband. He looked after me and he made me laugh and yet I cheated on him. He is a great guy. He is popular and well known in the circles we moved in. I left my hometown to be with him in a totally unfamiliar area far from everything I loved. I lived his dream with him. It was hard and I had to do a job I did not like to be able to be with him. He did not want to live in town and the bush was the place we were going to be forever. He met new friends who invited him to join them on holiday all over the world. It was partly his job and partly holiday to go with these people. I had to stay and watch the dog. Everything seemed to revolve around him in the end. He talked about these trips for weeks after coming home and I felt left out. I started to resent him for not asking me along. I started to get bitter about leaving everything I loved to be with him and he was never there anymore. I felt I was living his dream and he was forgetting about me. I felt left behind and invisible, I ate a lot, O got fat and it was just a vicious circle and then I met the other guy…He was interested in ME, he had time for me, he listened to me, he allowed me to help him with his work and I felt needed and appreciated again. I did not know how to talk to my husband and best friend about this. He was never home. I wanted so badly to tell him what was going on and that I am going down a path that I needed help with. I couldn’t. I couldn’t talk to him. I did not know how to say the words, to say I needed help, to say how I felt. My husband eventually gave me an ultimatum. Stay or go…I had a night to decide…It was one of the longest night of my life. I was torn in two. I wanted to stay as much as I wanted to go. I felt that I could never stay after I have done. I could never tell him what I have done. I felt I broke us and I had no right to stay. I left and I hurt the best man and friend I might have ever had terribly. It’s three years later today. He is married to a new girl and it seems they are happier than ever. It seems me leaving was the best thing that could have happened to him.I despise her, he is a different person from the man I knew, she changed him, or maybe it was me? I wrote him a long letter about why I could not stay and it seems she is getting everything that I needed and wanted and did not know how to ask for. I am still with the other guy, I have nowhere else to go. I have since found out he is a drug addict and a compulsive liar. Guess this f****** joke is on me. I left to be happier. It’s supposed to be me who is doing well and having a great life. That is why I left. Now I have to live with the guilt and the pain every day of this major choice that I made. I was the worst decision I have ever made and I am left with the egg on my face. I am still hoping we will get back together one day… I dream of seeing him one more time and talking to him.I wonder about him every day, especially on special days like his birthday. I wonder how he is doing. If he is really as happy as she would let the world to believe. I wonder if I ever cross his mind. I want to tell him how sorry I am for hurting him, breaking my wedding vows. I want to explain, I want to ask…I miss him…every day and I wish I could turn back time. Oh, how I wish I could turn back time…