I am a cheater, cheated every single relation I have, done so many frauds to earn luxury yet I am alone n sad because I know that I am doing wrong. I know

9 years

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I am a cheater, cheated every single relation I have, done so many frauds to earn luxury yet I am alone n sad because I know that I am doing wrong. I know its sin but once u taste the blood called luxury all I want to go on an on. I tried a lot to control but I failed n credit over pressure want me to suicide which I hate as I love to live. I want everything clean in my life. I don’t want to fraud or lie to earn n simply want to live after paying all the credit, seems impossible as it’s huge but I want to live a normal life.

New Confession

I regularly think about hurting myself. I used to sh years ago but I’m 2 years clean now. But when it gets late at night or when I’m alone, I think of bashing my head into the floor, or taking as many pills as I can. I might think of dying sometimes but most of the time I think of the pain that might come with these things. Like how I might internally bleed or choke on my own vomit. I don’t feel normal. Not when I have these thoughts almost nightly.

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I am cheating on my boyfriend of 4 years with a guy I met at uni. Although it is only for quick s**, I feel very guilty for betraying my boyfriend. I just don’t feel that connection anymore, and the s** is not as good. It’s not worth breaking up over this because my bf is the best ever. I just really miss this s***** rush and pleasure that I cannot get from him