It happened; I relapsed m*********** a few minutes ago. I am a member of NoFap. All I wanted was to finish my math homework. It was going fine until I got those dreaded urges. I tried to fight with my brain and tell it it was not worth it at all but I caved. And here I sit, with brain fog, writing this post.

I beat myself up, thinking “you stupid shite. You had a great streak going, you were exercising every day this week, you were eating healthy- and you blew it in one fell swoop.” The guilty brain fog makes it so much harder to finish my homework. My head feels like it has extra pressure on it, and I just wasted good toilet paper cleaning up my mess. I feel like nothing can help me now. All I can do it hope the addict effect doesn’t sink its toxic talons into me, and make me relapse another one, two, who-knows times again tonight.

Then came the Inspirational part of this story.

I thought back to something that happened just a few weeks ago. I was at an summer college program for 9 days (I am a high schooler looking for potential colleges). I made amazing friends and really got close to boys and girls my age. Despite my current brain fog, I can’t help but look back at those fateful 9 days- when I didn’t j******* once! No wonder I was so successful making those friends. That week and 2 days proved to me that NoFap really does work wonders when you stick to it. I was tempted to relapse a few times while there, but the joy I got from having true friends triumphed over fleeting pleasure from a screen.

Then I think of…her. She was a great friend from Day One of the program- in fact, she went up to me and my guy friends in the cafeteria and asked to sit with us. And something just clicked. We both took the same classes in school, did the same clubs, both liked similar movies. We had our differences- she, a girl from a public high school, me, a guy from an all boy private school. But we were both juniors, and thus we started up a good friendship. Even though we were friends, my feelings towards her were confused. Did I want something more with her, or did I want to remain friends? To clear my mind I wrote daily reflections/confessions in my phone’s Notes App. I started after we hung out with friends playing fooseball together with the girl (which I won, by the way). And I really let it out in those notes! Time went on and I enjoyed every day of my college experience. I bonded with my squad of friends so much. The night before the last day, I made a solemn promise to myself to get this girl’s number. I attribute this confidence 100% to NoFap. My last reflection note said:

“Maybe I’m just reading too much into this Maybe I’m not a third wheel, and maybe girl’s name doesn’t like anyone actually Still I hope for the best I enjoyed teaming with her to play, and it seems we have gotten good I have only one day left to get her number Don’t screw it up I’d rather fail but know I try than live forever thinking I could have done it Have courage”

The next day, as we were preparing to leave, I asked her and- she said yes! I was elated- if you had told me before this trip I would ask a girl for her number and get it smoothly, I would have told you to “get real.” We texted a while on the last day, and I sent her a selfie of us together at one of the program’s dances. When I said I hoped to hang out with her soon (she lives an hour away from me), she said “I also hope so too. You are great, VitaBona”

Tonight, I relapsed with my m*********** addiction. I admit my failure. But reflecting on my adventures at the college program have just helped me pick myself up. I plan to text this girl tomorrow and ask her how school is going/share what’s up. I hope that this story will inspire anyone who reads it and convince them not to relapse. NoFap can change your life!

One last thing I just realized: my female friend’s name means “God is Gracious” in Hebrew/Greek. What happened at my college program was truly gracious, and from now on I will look back on it to keep myself from relapsing.

The End