I am a girl and I had watched porn and masturbated multiple times and I feel so ashamed of myself because 1. That's not who I am and 2. I think it's gross

9 years

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I am a girl and I had watched p*** and masturbated multiple times and I feel so ashamed of myself because 1. That’s not who I am and 2. I think it’s gross which may seem confusing but I am asexual and every time I think s** and all the “other stuff” I cringe because it actually (and I’m not even joking) it physically makes me ill. I’m just not into and I guess I only started watching p*** ever since I was on this online game and in a chat when a guy asked me what a “c***” was. As the oblivious little girl I was I asked, “Like a peacock?” because I hadn’t even heard of that word before but now I wished that it had never even happened because I was disgusted when I first went on to the website he shared with me and ever since then I kept secretly getting on and watching videos and started “experimenting” with myself but after a while I stopped because it was actually getting kind of gross and I did not want to catch a horrible disease. I am a virgin and I never plan on having s** (until I’m dead) and as I said, asexual so yea…that is my guilt secret and I wish I could take it all back but I can’t and I just have to learn from my mistakes which I will.

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