I has a crush on a 20-something year old girl from about a year, Around a 2 or 3 months ago I was askind for a date, but she told she was dating someone else, I was shocked at first and the I told her about my feelings and still being friend since I do care about her. But then I thought I made a bold and stupid move to steal a kiss (because I thought it was my only chance to “express” my feelings), And It went totally wrong (Obvioulsy se went mad and it was trying to leave). Quickly After that ,I was trying to calm her and tried to apologize, She “accepted” my apologies but she was so totally . You know trying to fix the thing quick but s********** so hard down. Next day I send a message in which I was deep sorry for my undoing and I said, I will never do that kind of s*** again (note: It is the first and only time i did this), and how she felt one of the worse moments in her life. She never replied, but I comprehend their message was clear, so I never contacted her again because I don’t wanna be a stalker and thing get worse.

From that experiencie I learned to never again be that stubborn and stupid, because you hurt other people. But overall I feel so damn guilty even if that event happened so long ago. Even if my grades were unaffected, now I feel anxious when I go out (regardless if she is in a the same place or not) , My sleep has been irregular, And I hardly enjoy the hobbies anymore.I I isolated myself because of that. I don’t wanna hurt more people and i dont wanna be identified like a some kind of creeper or a guy who harass girls because of one stupid. I am losing the willing to live because I hate myself so much because of that.

Yes, I recognize what I did it was an aggression, and I assume the consequence of my actions and no everthing will be reedemed or mended. But I want don’t live in guilt anymore. this is something that haunt me for both personal and social life, Guess that my only option is death or voluntary solitary confiment…