I have nothing to live for. I’ve been well provided for and have a loving family. I barely graduated college which felt like an exercise in futility. I feel alone and unable to connect with anyone other than my little brother. He’s living his own life and I don’t want to continuously impose my negativity on him. I’ve seen professionals and they don’t really help. I understand what is going on a little bit better, but I don’t have enough conviction to improve my situation. This has been on going for around 5 years. Exercise is the only thing that has helped, but even if it improves my mood, my self esteem/sense of self worth is at an all-time low. Living is like waiting to die. Food tastes like s***. Nothing is fun or remotely meaningful. Everything is phony. The more I learn about the world the less I want to be a part of it. My memory is getting worse. Eating is a huge chore. I wish I had some purpose.
