I cheated on my Ex Girlfriend multiple different times. At first I cheated on her with her friend but she took me back. After that I cheated on her with 3

9 years

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I cheated on my Ex Girlfriend multiple different times. At first I cheated on her with her friend but she took me back. After that I cheated on her with 3 different girls and a few men. I was never caught and I Look back and I don’t understand why I did it. I never enjoyed myself and I felt ashamed after every experience. I don’t ever want to do it again and I know that I will never fall back into doing that again but I have never told anyone and I want people to hear it. I’m dating a woman who is scared of dating someone who’s cheated before. I admitted that I had cheated on my Ex but I did not tell her the full extent of my cheating. Further, I led about the number of s***** partners I have had in order to keep this secret. I want to tell someone because the guilt is now eating me alive I know that if I tell her she will still stay with me but she will then live in fear of me cheating on her. It’s not fair for me to put that on her to make myself feel better so I am telling it here.

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I hate myself so much for my attachment issues. I always hurt the people I care about because I get attached easily and start caring too much. When someone I am so attached to stops messaging back, paying attention to me, and caring, I do crazy things to check if they are online and just ignoring me. I don’t stop until I discover who they are giving all their attention to, and then I’ll start stalking the person they talk to more often than me. It’s way worse when it’s out of the blue, which makes me more inclined to find every piece of information about that person. I know I am in the wrong for doing this, and after the person eventually finds out about this, I panic and pressure them to forgive me and stay. I don’t justify my actions, I do believe I’m weird, creepy, and evil, but I care too much to let the person go. It works a lot, and I feel like a manipulator. I want to stop seeking strong friendships and relationships because I know that in the end, both of us will end up hurt. The harsh reality is that I also go crazy when I don’t have anybody to obsess over. I can never win.