Im getting to the bottom of this tonight. Because when I do, my life can finally turn around, and I can truly move on and be happy.
The question that I must answer is, why do I procrastinate?
That’s a difficult question, but maybe I just haven’t thought about it. So lets think.
When I know I should be doing work, say on a Saturday and Sunday, what do I do instead?
I play games and surf the internet. Why?
Because it’s immediately more gratifying.
But don’t I know that’s stupid and will lead to less happiness down the road?
I guess I figure Ill be able to handle it. Like I always do.
But there hits a limit, and you are hitting that limit now. You are falling behind.
That makes sense, I should stop procrastinating then.
Yes, you should, but you wont. So lets move on and find out why else you are procrastinating.
When you try to sit down and watch a lecture, what happens?
I feel a huge sense of resentment for the activity. An urge that pushes me away from it. It feels wrong.
Why?
Because its scary. There is a lot to do. Too much. I see a mountain and choose to run in the other direction. I want to run away. I physically cannot bring myself to do it. There is an escape and I take it.
But don’t you know that escape isn’t truly an escape. It just leads to further suffering later.
I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to try. If I try and fail it will feel terrible. I would rather take my chances and not try to succeed. Then at least I can say I didn’t even need to try to succeed, and if I fail I can say I wasn’t trying. Im not a failure, im simply lazy. That’s all, I just procrastinate too much
That is a cowards way of thinking. You are a coward.
No
Yes. You are a coward. If you don’t want to be a coward, then try. Try so when you succeed you feel good, and if you fail you know how to make yourself a better person. A person who looks at his life and feels happy instead of guilty.
Ill try.
Try to try? Or really try?
Try to try.
That’s not good enough. You wont make it with this. Even you, who might be nurtured by success, be able to push deadlines to the end, you wont make it with this. You’ve finally met your match. A course you cant just be who you were. You need to be better. You need to stop being a coward, and try. Just. Try. Don’t be you. Be better. One step at a time. Just be better. Just try with each day. Please. One step being better at a time. Be better. Don’t run. Don’t give in. Be better than that coward. Face it and chip at it one step at a time. Use your fingers to move that dirt. One handful at a time. Until its no longer a mountain youre facing. Until it’s a hill you can stomp over and move past. One handful at a time. Be better. One handful at a time. Don’t run. One handful at a time.