4 years
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I’m 20, and when I was about 5 or 6. Me and my cousin aggressively made out and I remember it so vividly. It disgusts me but makes me laugh at the same time.

I know when I was younger I always wanted to kiss a boy, I don’t remember initiating it with my cousin but I remember him being a bit forceful and very eager to do other things.

we were under a blanket on my bed, and my grandmother was literally in the room sleeping.

I remember him exposing himself to me, his p**** was so tiny I remember, Jesus. He wanted me to give him oral and I literally told him….”I don’t think I should do that because I don’t want to get pregnant”. We were 5 or 6 and my head hurts thinking about that s***, where the f*** was my parents.

I don’t fully know why I’m confessing this right now. But I know that after experiencing that, my perception of what boys/guys expected really stopped me from pursuing anyone or anything.

It’s so crazy. I’m 20, and I’ve never experienced a guy for real. Like I said when I was younger, I really wanted to experience my first kiss. Then that happened. A premature experience that fucked up my perception on exploration and s**. All throughout high school I avoided guys because the thought of them kissing me forcefully and exposing themselves made me sick and scared.

I feel pretty stupid for allowing something so ridiculous scare me for this long.

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I have always had s** with girls and women . I have great s** with my wife . She is adventurous and will try anything. In the summer we can be driving . This is in England . She will ask me to pull over and stop . To have s** in the car or behind a hedge . We even go dogging . But i was looking round the internet for s***** stimulation . I was wanking . I looked at gay p*** . I was soon having an o***** . Watching a guy sucking his friend . Secretly i wanted to try g****** . I joined a local gay chat group . I entered my description . Being honest . Six foot three and a half . 18 stone . Age mid 30s . I had a few replies . Mostly older men . They didn’t interest me . Then i got a message from a guy who claimed to be 30 . He even sent picture to prove it . He had his own house and like me he is married . His wife had gone on holiday with her friends for 17 days . He had s** with guys when he was younger . I arranged to go to his house . I drove to it . When i arrived i was feeling nervous . Was he really who he said he was . He opened the door . He looked like his picture . He invited me in . We sat and had a coffee . I didn’t know what to say and how to start . He did it for us . After the coffee he went upstairs . When he came down he was naked . When i saw him it gave me an erection . When i stood up he could see my erection in my trousers . He came over to me and unzipped my trousers getting my c*** out . He asked me if i wanted to go upstairs . I knew what he meant . I followed him to the bedroom . Where i undressed . We got on the bed . He was holding my erection . He started to lick it . Then he had it in his mouth . He was giving me a b******* . I lay back and let him do it . With one hand he was touching my balls . He was sucking .He was using his lips and his tongue . He had my c*** deep in his mouth . His lips were at the base of it . He held me there when i was having my o***** . When he took his mouth away . He showed me that he had my c** in his mouth . He swallowed . Then he lay down on his back . I knew what he wanted . Put his c*** in my mouth . I tried to do what he had been doing to me . I was sucking and licking . The i was moving my mouth up and down his c*** . While all the time i was using my tongue . He was telling me . Oh god i am going to c** . He was groaning . I stopped moving my mouth and only used my tongue . He was c****** in my mouth . Now we get together at least once every month . For s** . I keep it secret from my wife .