• 5 days ago

I’m 20, and when I was about 5 or 6. Me and my cousin aggressively made out and I remember it so vividly. It disgusts me but makes me laugh at the same time.

I know when I was younger I always wanted to kiss a boy, I don’t remember initiating it with my cousin but I remember him being a bit forceful and very eager to do other things.

we were under a blanket on my bed, and my grandmother was literally in the room sleeping.

I remember him exposing himself to me, his penis was so tiny I remember, Jesus. He wanted me to give him oral and I literally told him….”I don’t think I should do that because I don’t want to get pregnant”. We were 5 or 6 and my head hurts thinking about that shit, where the fuck was my parents.

I don’t fully know why I’m confessing this right now. But I know that after experiencing that, my perception of what boys/guys expected really stopped me from pursuing anyone or anything.

It’s so crazy. I’m 20, and I’ve never experienced a guy for real. Like I said when I was younger, I really wanted to experience my first kiss. Then that happened. A premature experience that fucked up my perception on exploration and sex. All throughout high school I avoided guys because the thought of them kissing me forcefully and exposing themselves made me sick and scared.

I feel pretty stupid for allowing something so ridiculous scare me for this long.