I think a part of me is in love with my best friend.

A part of me questions this because I (18 F) have a lot of issues with men due to trauma, and my best friend (18 M) is basically the only guy I have in my personal life that I trust. So a part of me wonders if I’m just not used to having a close relationship with a guy.

But then the other part of me thinks I’m in love with him. I started to feel this way the one time when I was telling him about a rough time I was going through, and he just silently hugged me. I felt my heart race in that small moment. I felt so much affection and intrigue in that short five seconds of silent hugging. From there it’s expanded to noticing and appreciating small things about him like his listening skills and resilience.

I don’t want to love him that way because we have a perfectly good friendship, but a part of me just feels completely crazy.