Or cutting off the tip, Will it work? I started doing it a few weeks ago. My (secret) gf has noticed like at al. She’s super Christian and terrified of getting pregnant but isn’t on birth control bc well, honestly it’s like she doesn’t really understand it idk like she’s super Anti Abortion and is like way way younger than me like she’s a freshman in hs and does it work IrL !? Please I need to know now!!!!! ? I’m like 9 years older but I used to be best friends with her older brother until his suicide last Christmas but anyways now I’m back From college summer before my 5th year / supposed to be Senior year lol living at home like right next door to her working in town for the summer and she and I are working at the summer clubhouse pool – she’s a new lifeguard and also a state champion runner up swimmer, so she’s really fit. Like really really fit.

I feel like I could slip it into her raw dog without a condom when she’s taken her anti anxiety meds and then her ambien and she’d never know – for a fit athletic girl She has a lot of insecurities and she changed to a totally new school after her mom trying a private Catholic school that she hated also she is so self conscious about her body even though objectively it’s amazing – she lost her father to Covid in early summer 2020 bc he was a Covid denier and refused treatment and anyways her mom works all the time like mine so she’s just really alone and

she cried alot and I mean ALOT about how everyone wants her to be this great college athlete so she can afford to go to college otherwise she has to enlist in the Navy or Air Force her mom says and she has all this pressure on her to try out for Junior Nationals and like she’s so good and her official announced career was to be a Physical Therapist or Massage Therapist and work as an assistant swim coach she said but when she’s really well, high , on Ambien and says all kinds of s*** she never remembers she tells me how all she really wants are Babies and how she has baby fever and has had it since she was a little girl and that since she turned 12 her urges to have babies have gotten uncontrollably sometimes and well that’s when on Friday night I slide it into her the first time without a condom and god it felt amazing – I told her I had put a condom on but that it might have slippped off if that was ok and she said ok and kinda drifted back to sleep just before I finished inside her and wow it felt so good. I was able to get it off 3 more times in her that night while she was out stone cold –
Anyways

So she was complaining yesterday afternoon that she had what felt like stomach cramps like but lower and I realized now it’s probably her ovaries but like I gave her a ton of laxatives and gas medicine and a Diet Coke and I even offered to buy her cigarettes to help it pass and she laughed because she’s a virgin who’s never smoked – well she was a virgin until a few weeks ago amyways I was me and had s** with her last night anyways but like with two condoms both with the tips cut off
– she didn’t notice the tips were cut off at all like she had no clue. I blew my load everywhere inside her the first time and we went to sleep – her mom is out of town this weekend and all week at a funeral and family affairs thing for her aunt on the west coast and she begged her mom to let her stay home for work and swim practice so her mom said ok – as long as I promised to give her a ride to wherever she wants and I said I did

I kinda think her mom knows what’s up like no kidding. I think her mom knows she’s having s** and just doesn’t care. Like her mom caught me sneaking out at 3am one night and I said she and o had called asleep watching Netflix again , which is true but like also I had just cummedinskde her only daughter and the room smelled like sweat and s** when I left and she asked how Julie was and I said she was ok and she said was she happy and I said kinda and that she liked being with her team and she really liked the job she had at the old church Nursey from the old church they used to go to before her brother – my former
Best friend – committed suicide at the church last Christmas – well right outside the church I mean, when he was back on leave from the Navy , and even though he was really positive about the Navy and all the good stuff it’s done for him since he enlisted the year before after their dad died from Covid and he said he was looking forward to his new assignment in Florida I could tell there was something off with him that night but last thing I said to him was was he ok and he said yea he was and that he wanted me to be sure to watch out for his little sister when he’s gone and I said yea of course but I thought he meant like this summer or when he moved off to his new base in Florida not like my old swim team teammate Buddy was going to off himself like that and well her mom Kathy just broke down crying and said the last two years had just been so hard for her – she lit a cigarette even though she had officially told everyone she had quit smoking bc the ER where she works as a nurse banned smoking within 50 feet of the building so her and all the other nurses have to sneak behind the garage to smoke and I laughed and gave her a hit from a weed vape pen I bought locally and she liked it and I brought her a beer from the fridge – it was like the one night she was off and she talked to me like serious heart to heart

Her mom ,who’s like only just recently turned 40 (?) maybe last year I think(?) I think – no kidding I think she’s only 7 years older than me somehow ?told me that her daughter is deeply in love with me and thinks I’m her future husband and I laughed and she just smiled and said that she is ok with that because she wants grand babies and she used to think she wanted to wait until after her daughter got to finish college and maybe swim as a Division 1 NCAA athlete on scholarship but now after two years of Covid and losing her husband and then her son and then nearly losing their their house and going bankrupt she doesn’t give a f*** anymore about any of that – and if it makes her daughter happy then that’s all that matters and she asked am I going to finish college for real this year and I said yes I would technically graduate in December actually but may hang out next semester and she asked what am I doing next and I said I was studying To take the MCAT and apply to medical school if I could get in and she said that was good and she asked if I had signed up for the MCAT and a prep class yet and I said no and then she got close to me and asked for my phone and looked up a sign up date and then signed me up for anMCAT later this summer and also signed me up for a prep class that meets in afternoons starting next week and said that besides guarding her daughters heart like a treasure and promising her to take care of her baby girl no matter what my other most important job this summer is to study hard for the MCAT so I can get into medical school. I have mostly As in math and bio and chem and physics and I got mostly As in history electives and English but I did get a few Bs so my real GPA is like 3.82 I think right now but I’m trying to pad that and also

Her mom told Me about this other EMT school program to sign up for that there are federal grants for – the summer slots were full but her mom signed
Me up for EMT classes in the fall like around my fall semester classes – and she said if for whatever reason I somehow didn’t finish college there was always the Navy like Alex had joined and I said yes mam and I had looked into the Air Force since my grandad had been in the Airforce in Vietnam and I told her I was thinking of joining after college if I didn’t get in med school and applying for their Medic program and then maybe I could reapply to med school later through the Air Force and have them pay and she said that sounded like a good idea – and I said thanks and then her mom kept asking if I was staying active and I said yeah I go to the gym and lift weights and had been doing some more cardio lately for a Cross Fit class and that I had tried swimming laps with her Julie but that she was just too damn fast for me now !! And she laughed but I told her that Julie and I could start going to cross fit together – this was before the end of school and the school shooting st UVALDE

So then she told me she wanted me to start taking Julie to cross fit classes with me and also for me to pick her up every morning for work and take her wherever she needs to go and I said yes Mam and she said ok and she looked me in the eyes again and said ok I better take good care of her
baby girl this summer and forever after and I said yes Mam

So there it is. I’ve started f****** around with this amazing girl next door and her mom is so stoned on meds and anti anxiety and anti panic attack drugs at night and after 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 large glasses of wine she basically told me she is fine with me nailing her daughter but to just treat her nice and respectful and I’m thinking: dude I know Julia has baby fever and all but like is she really ready to be a mom? She is such a little girl in so many ways! Like she insists on always wearing giant oversized tshirts that cover her shorts, she always insists on wearing short shorts like short soccer shorts and she never wears underwear except a swimming suit and she always wears the same kind of all white keds tennis shoes everyday without socks like every single day and I swear she’s been this way since at least 3rd grade when I was a Senior in high school and I had to give her a ride to school and swim practice one day when her brother was out sick again and I noticed: holy crap Julie’s legs and feet and whole body already budding breasts and it was like /is amazing like it almost looks like a full grown woman – and like two years later she had a full chest like size 36C by end of 5th grade and she just looked so stacked – like I remember saying something drunk to her brother like I guess two years ago or so or maybe during Covid when we were all back home and so she was I think just finishing 6th grade maybe when schools shut down that year(?) so maybe it was Late April or May (?) and colleges and I was home and it was like a month before their dad died and I joked that his sister had grown up pretty hot and then he was like

Oh my god your like Jonah Hills dude from Wolf of Wall Street – Seth was obsessed with Jonah Hill because like he had watched like every movie the guy made and I get it and I was like naw it’s not like that it’s different because like we aren’t cousins and he just laughed and we never talked about it again because not long after that their dad got sick –
I never knew my dad he ditched my mom and I before I ever met him so who knows and my mom worked in the hotel industry before Covid and I guess she still does now but like I guess just before I started high school she had gotten some promotion where they moved her around all the time from location to location and she’d ask me if I wanted to go stay with her for a Week or two here or there in Boston or Chicago or New York or Miami or Las Vegas or San Diego or DC or Fairfax or Atlanta or Dallas or Austin or Memphis or Nashville or Minneapolis or Jackson Hole or Reno or Beaver Creek or Winter Park or the other Winter Park and sometimes I’d go if it was during like a break for me but like – she and I had a deal that for custody reasons she would keep her address and I’d stay going to the same neighborhood high school I was at and if she was needed she was just always away – like my freshman year of hs she was only gone 1 week a month but by my sophomore year it was 2 weeks or more every month and pretty much most of my senior year she only came home once a month and we mostly just texted and face timed and all that like I guess that was just 2016-2017 right and parts of 2015 and some of 2014 summer and fall but like – she was always really lenient and gave me a lot of freedom she’d say here were her rules for me as a young man:
1) go to school and finish school. Finish it no matter what.
2) don’t get arrested. She won’t bail me out.
3) don’t be an a******. Always Be nice to girls, even girls I don’t like. and be friendly to kids who get bullied. Stand up to bullies. (I convinced her to sign me up for a BJJ Jujitsu class after a fight at school when I was a freshman – I had asked for like a gun and she said absolutely not . No guns. Ever. (Her father, my grandfather was a war vet and had attempted suicide with a
A gun in front of her and it scared her for life)
4) No guns. Ever. If someone gets one out I have to leave. No going hunting with friends or going shooting. Fishing is fine. But no guns. Ever
5) don’t get hospitalized. Be careful and avoid injuries and accidents and everything. I knew she’d lost her little sister in an OD before Covid, and also lost her longtime boyfriend and my quasi father figure , and really nice guy Neil in a Drunk driving accident because he was DWI back in 2012 and she had never been ok since then
6) Stay active and fit. Make it part Of who I am in my everyday life. She said and still says exercise was the best medicine and only thing keeping her from same – she’s kinda compulsive about it and I guess I’m a little bit the same way. I’m typing this bout I’m really going to go to the gym in a bit.
7) act like the man I want to be. I s*** at this and this one is the hardest – because sometimes it conflicts with other things
8) Do your Job. Do your Duty. Don’t complain about it. Nobody likes complainers. Show up on time everyday to work (or school or practice or whatever ) and pay attention and focus on doing a good job and doing it right. This one stuck with me and is probably why I make decent grades
9) no hard drugs , No pills and no hard alcohol. Don’t drink more than one day a week. Don’t drink more than 2 drinks unless it’s a very very special occasion and unless I already have a ride home. She doesn’t care about weed and beer but says it does not need to be an everyday thing. Once a week at most – at most and never drive anywhere after I have two drinks or a joint. And even then it’s better if I just don’t drink. So I just never drank like at all in high school hardly, except once or twice maybe and I mostly didn’t drink in college – maybe that’s why I never had any girlfriends lol – – but I still try not to drink much when I can. It’s a struggle but after seeing her lose Neil and her sister to alcoholism and addiction I get it. I know why she’s scared for me.
10) chase my dreams when I’m young. Chase what makes me happy. Whatever that is. …
I half way jokingly told her I’m starting to see a new girl who makes me really happy and she said oh yeah that’s good and I said yeah but she’s like alot younger than Meier she’s in high school (well about to be, I didn’t say that bc it sounded bad) and she said “that’s ok that’s ok, high school that’s great!” I think she worried that I never had a girlfriend in high school and was just a nerdy gamer guy alot of the
time and k legit think she thinks I was maybe secretly gay bc I’ve never brought a girl home or had a girlfriend in college –
So like when Julia was over two week ago and I was making her watch stranger things with me after I picked her up from swim practice my mom came in for her two days a month at the house and she found me and Julia hanging out and she smiled big and said Hi Julia and honestly I think she was just happy that I was like: not playing video games alone and that I was with a girl – like a real girl, who also happens to be very nice and sweet and athletic and even if she had a kinda plain looking face (she thinks so and never wears makeup) but I think she looks terminally cute in a hoodie or in her oversized tshirt and clean white keds she wears everyday sockless like it’s her dang uniform LolZ

Anyway that’s all.

I’m crazy I know. Legit Bipolar, and at risk of Schizophrenia according to my mom because of my dad. I have ADHD and Depression and Amxiety and I take Vyvance Rx for the Adhd since late high school and it helped with my grades alot but like I do feel f****** crazy Alot of times and some people think I’m crazy for having a camping backpack in the back of my car all ready to go, water bottles and water filter and ponchos and hiking boots and a Bivy sac and peanuts butter crackers and a led flashlight and spare batteries and spare charger and solar charger and a first aid kit and granola bars and a pocket knife from my grandfather and also his old Air Force Survival Knife he gave me as a HS graduation present back when I used to do more camping and hiking stuff when I was in boyscouts that my mom made me stay in because she wanted me to get to be an Eagle Scout – and holy s*** I was never gonna make it to being an Eagle Scout but I did meet Some cool like hiking climbing guys at the dorm so I’ve done some weekend adventuring to the woods and in the foothills of the mountains off at college and lol old MREs and canned food sometimes too in the trunk and often a gym bag with extra clothes and like people joked I was ready for the Zombia apocalypse but I was like no that doesn’t make sense lol

But like I’ve been really really scared lately

About nuclear war with Russia over Ukraine

Like someone sent me an article about it and I’m f****** terrified

And I think Julia is like mentally damaged from her dad dying two years ago and her brother killing himself last Christmas – she cries all the time

Like she literally cries everyday and I hug her and tell her it’s going to be on

And uh, I get really hard when I hold her when she’s crying

Like it was a total accident

But I can’t help it
And that’s how it started really

Because she was crying and we were alone

And I was hugging her and telling her it was going to be ok

And I got so hard it was absolutely impossible to miss and well

That was barely over two weeks ago

And I’m fairly sure ever had s** like 40 times since then

Maybe half with a condom that I had poked holes in or cut the tip off and half the time either with no condom or a condom with “just the tip” cut off but like it ends up chipping whole head of condom off lol and condoms shreds and breaks half the time when I o it it on and anytime the condom breaks she’s like it’s fine and sure enough
Everytime I don’t have a condom when she is awake she begs me to finish inside her – like she literally begs me
And I can’t say no to that
I can’t tell her no

But I do wonder – since she’s no on birth control – is she going to get pregnant? Her mom said she had fertility problems after Julia and wanted more h it couldn’t get pregnant and that maybe Julia has that same condition –

But like /

I just had to get all that off my chest

I know I’m not perfect

I’m just trying to be better

Sometimes

And sometimes I’m just doing what I want

And I have all