I don’t believe in love at first sight. In the past, I always saw it as a mania. Not until destiny strikes me. I first saw you in the seminary post, you were one of the honor students. I was just scrolling there, casually, not until I saw your name, and your picture. For no apparent reason, I stopped, I felt butterflies in my stomach. Later on, I realized it was too shallow, that’s why I shrugged out of my head that idea. A few months later, you were out of my mind, but one day, I felt like I was being toyed with by destiny. I saw you again in a video presentation of a large church activity. Again, it’s just your photo, a video, but I go home wondering why the force impacts my feeling. Another months passed, I almost forgot about that little foolish moments of mine. But then, simbang gabi came. One of my sacristan friends, mentioned that they were serving with you every mass. Again, I felt a tickle, and huge curiosity about you, I feel like a broken plaque that can forget it over and over again but also repeatedly reminded of you by my surroundings.
I’m sorry for my embarrassment at the those times, I just couldn’t stop myself from admiring you, also because I can’t explain how I feel about you, even though I haven’t seen you yet. A few months later, this time, it’s within my reach to bury my emotions that I shouldn’t ever admit. It was soon enough, if only destiny hadn’t tempted me again. During the election period that year, I volunteered on a church organization for clean elections. That day, there was a meeting, I was unaware that I would see you face to face for the first time. The moment I stepped on that third floor, my heart almost stopped from seeing you there, standing like I didn’t sent you a new year greetings which you just seened, months ago. It was nerve-wracking for me, for I am praying silently, that you won’t recognize me. But the world will never side me, my name was called multiple times on a microphone, and all I want to do is to be swallowed by the earth during those times. I don’t know if you’ve recognized me, and I also don’t have the courage to find out and look at you, because of the embarrassment I felt. The next day, there was a send off mass for our volunteers. You sat near and there is only one person between us. If you only knew how nervous and thrilled I was at those times. When the time we should greet each other a sign of peace, I did my best not to meet your eyes, for two reasons. Firstly I am ashamed and I feel small, secondly I don’t want our eyes to meet because it might deepen my feelings for you that is forbidden. In the end, in your eyes I still fell. We greeted each other peace, and my heart was full. Right now, I know, what I feel for you have no voice and I know you will never hear it. This feelings, it asks for nothing in return. I’m happy to admire you secretly. I don’t know why destiny keeps bringing me back to you, but I know the reality and I accept the fact that no matter how deeply I admire and have feelings for you, I know we can’t be possible.
After all of this drama of mine, I wanna thank you for being my piece of mind, everytime I feel bad, by just thinking of you, happily taking the path towards serving God, it makes me feel warm and proud of myself for admiring a man like you. I know you don’t have time time to care for this, I also know that I will never be a part of your life. But I want you to know that admiring you was a gorgeous memory and experience of my life, for somehow you inspired me to be a better child of Christ.

This is all I wanna say, I will always root for you, I will always pray for your safety and your journey. Let’s see each other soon Emanuel, by God’s grace, you’ll be a priest by then, and I will be there at your side, as a faithful lector of the church. Padayon my future priest!