Hi, umm… I am not sure this is the right category. To be honest with you, I do not care. I just need to tell someone. I am a quiet secretive person or what I like to call it “reserved”. It’s nothing serious in my opinion what I am about to “confess”. I just need to write it down and publish it. I guess, I am hoping it will help me figure this whole thing out or maybe suppress my feelings until I know better.

Hopefully, I can write this in a short text (Knowing myself, I won’t happen. So I am sorry in advance).

A little background information;
– Since the longest time, I have been online on different websites, apps… whatever. I like meeting new people, it’s something about it that interests me. The different culture, different ideology, different lives, you know?

-If I am being honest here, I was mostly (still am, but I am trying to get rid of this habit a little) meeting men. Older men to be exact. I just like it. Or, I like the attention they give me. I have been in this rabbit hole for many years now of finding new men to talk and send spicy picture phone calls. Even cams. I just love the confirmation from the men. Calling me cute, hot and s***. It gives me an extra boost of confirmation. Since I am young, I do not want my body to go to waste. So, I feel like I need to show it.

-I am aware this is unhealthy. To be honest, it kind of disgust me. I disgust myself, and the men I talk to disgust me sometimes. I just cannot help it.

So, back to where I am now in the present.

I met this guy, much older than me. We started talking, sexting, and just escalated to other things. It has never been physical as we live far away. (I signed up for a website during quarantine). Anyways, he made it clear we are not here for relationships and we both agreed we are just kind of there for each other emotionally and s*******.

Long story short, I exchanged a lot, I mean a lot, of nudes with him. He helped me with videos as well. New types of angles and just things like that. Then, out of nowhere I talked how I am having trouble at home. I needed a job quickly and wanted to become independently. I shared how I cannot look for a job now because of personal and legal reasons. He shared to me the idea of onlyfans. hahaha. Of course, I said I have thought about it. The idea of being a pornstar, or stripper and other “adult industry” have crossed my mind a billion of times. However, I thought I grew out of this phase, and to be quiet fair, I didn’t like the idea of my naked self all over the internet for my future husband, or kids, or even my parents to find it… I don’t even wanna imagine it.