When I was 15 alone in my room while watching Rambo 2, I became erect when Stallone is being tortured, while tied to a post and lowered into a effluent pool. When he is drawn out, you could see his bare ass. I came involuntarily.
In the spring several weeks later, I stole some Playgirls from the boarder that my mom rented a room to.
She caught me putting them back.
She asked if I was gay. I said I didn’t know, and I was embarrassed. She said it was okay that her younger brother was gay, and maybe we could talk to him.
I nodded and left her room.
Several days later, the boarders brother came to the house, unbeknownst to me she had told him everything. The three of us went for pizza, and had a nice time. But the topic of sexuality never came up. The brother was 20, had a car and went to college. He was tall and had green eyes. He would drop by a couple of times week. By the 4th of July weekend I realized I was crushing hard on the brother. I didn’t know what I was feeling, particularly as they were sexual desires for a boy. I was invited to a BBQ at the beach with our boarder and the brother. It was the first time I smoked pot, had a beer, and was naked in a hot tub. There was another high school guy (Surfer type) there who was 16 and he made a pass at me and I freaked out a little. The boarders brother found me after I wandered off, and told me it was okay and that I should just be myself. After going back to the party, the surfer and I connected and spent the rest of the weekend wrapped around each other. It was the first time I was able to express my sexuality in a safe environment.