I’m 17 and currently in a “relationship” with a 21 year old who I am in a college class with. He is the absolute sweetest guy, he treats me so well and we have so much fun together, but he doesn’t want to define our relationship until I turn 18. I have no idea where his boundaries are and he won’t tell me. Sometimes we’re about to have s**, and then the next day he’ll barely look at me in class. He 100% acts like my boyfriend, he takes me out all the time, I stole his sweater, etc, etc, etc, but he just won’t define anything. I don’t even know if we’re actually exclusive or not and it’s freaking me out. I am terrible with relationships and I just feel like with my fear of commitment and his lack of wanting to actually commit, I’m just gunna freak out and ghost him
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Hi,
The best way to find out what sort of relationship you have with him is, is to close your legs and make sex a lot harder to get and put him off as much as you can and then you will see what the future holds for you together with him and if you want that.
Until you turn 18, you are a Minor in the eyes of the Law and you don’t have the maturity to know right from wrong, nor can you consent to sex, until you turn 18, when you are considered to be an adult, which is why porn stars are never younger than 18.
You have to discover if he really loves you and wants to be with you, or if you are “why buy a cow when he gets the milk free”, to him and that might explain his on again, off again behaviour with you.
He probably does not want to be recognized as having a relationship with you, before you turn 18, because of the above and from his point of view, he does not want anyone to think he has been doing things with you, before you are considered to be legally old enough, that he should not, but when you are 18, that won’t raise any eyebrows then.
Best Wishes…..
I agree that the legal age is probably what is stopping the sex but they should at least be able to tell you whether you’re exclusive. Whether they have sex or not is up to them and I don’t think that in your 18th birthday your brain suddenly changes and you can make good decisions. It’s just that there has to be an age set in law to protect minors from predatory people. I was over 18 when I first had sex and still don’t believe I was mature enough to have made that choice. Emotional maturity is individualistic.
Firstly thanks for being honest, roundups are difficult at the best of times without age bring a barrier. You say some days you’re about to have sex and the next help barely look at you. Boyfriends don’t behave like that. Ideally you want to not be ignored after being intimate.I would ask if you’re exclusive, if you need definition it’s hard, but you won’t know until you ask. Sorry to say this but if you still feel confused about things and more than just the one thing then he may be a toxic person to be around. I hope he’s not and that you get the answers you’re looking for from him. All the best.
You do realize that the 21 year old guy is obviously a pedophile and all he cares about is wanting to get into your pants, right? Stay away from him. Get a lawyer. Report it to the authorities immediately.