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“There are no mistakes, only lessons.”
2020 was about no toxic people, petty games or pushing buttons. Healthy people, clean sportsmanship and positive contexts.
I drew a new line. I was going to take the good, and use the negative as fuel to my fire.
So, here is my account in processing my short work stint at a local coffee shop. I write to process because I prefer to process my emotions in a better way than most people (after running ofc). Names will be included because it’s anon site so who is gunna know. Also, it makes the entry clear for me.
“Your feedback is spineless.” This was the last word I had with the person who owns the business (Pete) when I went to visit to discuss my future hours in the rota for the next month.
Do you know what else is spineless and without a backbone? Worms. Slimy, slippery worms that lurk in the dark. Shrivel in sunlight, unnoticed in moonlight.
I got hired pronto because I required a job, money and a reason to leave the house, keep busy and meet new people. The place was looking for someone asap. It worked out. I thank the person who hired me (Calum) and specific team members who taught me new things. I am all about learning new things and that I did. I like to focus on what matters. And I also probably wouldn’t have been able to enjoy New Year’s Eve if I didn’t get hired there in the first place.
It was great for a few days but something didn’t seem right. Because on my first day, the person who was working next to the person I was (a French guy) told me his name was Kristoph/Christoph (however you spell it, I don’t really care at this point and it doesn’t really matter) and then another the next day – Jules. Jules decided his name was Jules on the third day. I tried to be civil with him because he did aid my training, but after that incident I always felt abit uneasy around him.
I made the error of straying from the sprightly dudd who was actually supposed to train me to gaining insight from someone who didn’t have a clue to training new people. I developed an attraction to Calum, and therefore had to master in managing problem in my new workplace without making things awkward for everyone and being professional, positive and focussed. I handled it my personal and professional issues like a boss imo by putting customers first and keeping contact only about work. (Soz mate, I wasn’t being rude. I had legitimate reasons, but happy to release the awkwardness outside of work if it was (past tense because I don’t work there anymore) mutual…) Anyway, it worked out fine.
I got better everyday, and my only area of improvement was mastering the coffee machine and knowing the products. Otherwise, I picked it up pretty quickly. I was always happy and confident in closing on my own but I was not presented the opportunity.
But things got weirder. On the last two days, I was working with a girl called Amanda. She apparently made the sandwhiches and worked part-time but was rota’d in for the full day. There was another person rota’d in for those two days but didn’t turn up. I noticed but I thought as a new employee it was not in my place to say that. I stuck to just working my hours and doing the jobs instructed until I knew all my roles and responsibilities before rocking the boat. I was there to work. I stuck with that.
Amanda was fine to work with, but she kept complaining of her chronic pain. I did 80% of the work over the 48 hours until Xmas Eve. I didn’t understand why she was doing a long day if she was working part-time. She kept wanting to close early. She told me one person who worked there called Hymie would be back on the 7th Jan – why was this relevant? But that was weird because Hymie told me he was in Columbia for 2 weeks after. She told me that there was a manager post advertised and that Callum had left on Friday but he was there on Saturday and Sunday and the only advert was for full-time baristas. So, it seemed upon this, there was no management and apparently, then the person doing the rota was the actual owner – Pete. She gave me his number so I could find out my hours after Xmas. By this point, things were odd as they didn’t add up.
There was also a “Ring Me :)” note left on the counter where staff worked. This was probably for someone else.
Anyway, I chilled over Xmas, as my intention was to get things fired up on Jan 1st each day at a time. On Boxing Day I handed my paperwork in to get paid to Pete in person at the shop. I wasn’t informed when I would get paid. Just ‘I’ll call you.’ Fine, but later on that day, I just left a text with a few unanswered questions. I wasn’t expecting a reply back but I received a call immediately after I sent it.
This was the call that changed the direction. I had heard staff members say things about Pete that weren’t positive but I experienced this first-hand on that occasion. He said a lot of garbage without any evidence, but I don’t argue with mules so I just let him bray. I kept my dignity and ended the call without saying anything. I genuinely didn’t think what he had said was justified. But I had never been spoken to like that in my life in a professional context but I realised because it was small business bad behaviour is allowed far more easily. If it was a bigger organisation, I would have complained and ideally, he’d have been in suspension meeting.
Things said in a verbal diarrhoea fashion: “You can’t make coffee”/”You burnt the milk three times”/”I want someone who runs around super fast”/”Smile”/”Not interested” – I mean, three words in my head “What. The. F***?”
Come New Year’s Eve, I hadn’t got paid. So, I had to chase this up. I wanted to go out and that I did. A major bucket list ticked off.
I thought I would deal with the hours on New Year’s Day. I was informed that someone else was doing the Jan rota called Chris because there was no management but he said he worked there last year. The thing is the solution to my problem was not presenting itself clearly. How difficult did this have to be? I like challenges but only ones where you actually achieve a worthwhile journey and goal. This journey was a mess.
I didn’t wanna be that employee that chased this up constantly but this was my bread and butter. It was important. So, I went in today. Spoke to Jess briefly who answered some of my burning questions. I told her about the convo I had with Pete and how I wanted to settle this today. She said he would be in at 5 to help the new staff member close.
I left and came back at 5. In my head, I had more reasons for leaving now than staying. Perhaps it may not be a good move, but I said this again, I am used to working in big organisations with grounded people.
He wasn’t there. The guy said I think you should come back tomorrow. I said I’ll wait. But then my gut kept saying “Where is your self-respect as a woman? Why do you keep coming back to this place when you could work somewhere else? Is it because it’s the one Tha you have right now and you have bills to pay so you’ll stick with it? There are healthier employers and positive working spaces elsewhere.” So, I left and got a coffee.
But I wanted to hear it from the horses mouth. So, I went back to be humane and discuss. I had an inkling he would have arrived. What I saw was laughable. So, much for assisting the new member but just standing on your phone and just watch him clean the coffee machine…
I knocked on the window. He came out, said three incorrect things once again: “That was week was your trial period.” Again, this was place weird AF. No, my trial period was the 2 hours period after that I was hired. “You don’t have a contract and so hours.” That paperwork I gave on Friday was my contract and I was hired for a full-time barista role. “We have moved on.” You can’t dismiss an employee like that and three things were running through my head “One, I’ve had a rough year last year and this year was 2020 healthy goals and people so two consequently, arguing back for this one was a battle I wanted to pick and three, I was going to keep my dignity and respect as a woman and walk away because he kept talking to me as if I wasn’t an employee but a friend. This was the most ridiculous argument and I wanted a good year and this was not worth it. Karma is real and it’ll bite him back somehow.”
Settled.
Time to look for another stop gap job.
One other thing: “We” is a very dangerous concept. We toxically enmeshes people’s wants and needs. People have individual wants and needs as well. A more intellectual approach than just individualism vs. collectivism is honouring individual wants and needs and collective wants and needs. A third but perhaps more strenuously complex concept to grasp for the average mind and in the context of this working environment the collective wants and needs of the organisation did not reflect one employee’s wants and needs simultaneously – something only real leaders can gauge. And thus, another reason why I walked away and kept my dignity.

What a drama-filled 24 days. I’m all about chill, confident and consistent times.

Now, I have some headspace (yeah things aren’t looking so great but I’ll figure it out) do I still have a crush on this dude called Calum? Yes. But he’s in Glasgow now I think. You were fit, a potential ONS. Have a good 2020.

“There are no mistakes, only lessons.”

Let’s keep riding to the top.

New Confession

Related Confessions

The old rotary phone in the hallway doesn’t actually work. I only keep it there because it makes the apartment feel like a place where secrets are kept.

Now, let me be honest with you all—and by “you all,” I mean the few people who actually subscribe to this blog—there is a very fine line between being a helpful friend and being a complete lunatic. I’ve always believed that the best way to truly bond with someone is to enter their private spaces, clean their filth, and perhaps subtly rearrange their lives without their permission. That’s why I’m so fond of my new friend, Sarah. She’s a bit overwhelmed, a bit scattered, and possesses a toddler son who is, quite frankly, a walking disaster zone of jam and crayons.

I’ve stepped into the role of part-time maid and babysitter with a level of enthusiasm that borders on the pathological. Sarah thinks I’m a saint. She tells me every Tuesday that I’m a “lifesaver” while she naps for three hours, leaving me to manage the chaos of her home. But the thing about being a maid is that you see everything. You see the dust under the radiator, the stains on the ceiling, and the things parents forget to mention. I’ve spent the last few weeks scrubbing her floors and bathing her son, Peter, and it was during one of those baths—amidst a sea of rubber ducks and lukewarm bubbles—that I made a discovery that fundamentally shifted my perception of the household.

As I was scrubbing the grime off Peter’s little legs, I looked down and saw it. There it was, in all its natural, uncircumcised glory. A little plonker of a thing, completely intact. For a second, I just stared. In my mind, this wasn’t just a biological fact; it was a tragedy. A lapse in judgment. An oversight. I could see Sarah’s exhaustion practically radiating off the walls of the bathroom, and I convinced myself that she simply hadn’t been able to afford the surgery. The thought of her struggling financially, unable to provide this “essential” service for her son, filled me with a sudden, predatory urge to be the hero of the story.

Of course, curiosity is a powerful motivator. I found myself lingering a bit too long, fascinated by the sheer novelty of it. I’ll admit, in a moment of absolute madness and utter lack of boundaries, I leaned in. I wanted to know what it actually smelled like—that raw, newborn-adjacent scent of something unedited by a surgeon’s blade. I took a discreet sniff, and then another, feeling a strange, electric thrill of taboo. I wasn’t just the help anymore; I was a detective uncovering a secret. And as I looked at that little guy, I decided right then and there: Sarah didn’t know she needed my help, but she was getting it. I reached for my phone and dialed my friend, the mohel.

*Update: Okay, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of Tuesday afternoon. If you’re reading this, please don’t call Child Protective Services; just enjoy the voyeurism of my benevolence.*

When my friend Miriam arrived, she didn’t just bring her medical kit; she brought a certain predatory energy that matched my own. We stood there in the dim light of the bathroom, staring down at Peter, who was blissfully unaware that his “little piggy” was about to undergo a radical transformation. Up close, the plonker was truly impressive for a toddler—a plump, heavy little thing with a “snout” of foreskin that draped over the head like a tiny, velvet hoodie. I pointed it out to her, calling it a little anteater, and the way Miriam leaned in to inspect it felt less like a medical consultation and more like a shared hunger.

There was a heavy, electric tension in the room, a sort of taboo thrill that made my skin prickle. As Miriam prepped the area, her fingers brushed against mine, and we both knew this wasn’t just about “helping” Sarah. There was something deeply e***** about the secrecy of it, the clinical yet raw nature of the act. We were two women in a closed room, bonded by a sudden, illicit impulse, staring at the same piece of anatomy with a feverish intensity. The air felt thick, almost humid, as we focused on the “hog” of a thing, discussing the elasticity of the skin with a breathless, hushed tone that bordered on the obscene.

“It’s a real little snout, isn’t it?” Miriam whispered, her voice dropping an octave. She reached out to manipulate the “hoodie,” her movements slow and deliberate. I watched, mesmerized, as she gripped the little piggy, the sight of it—so raw and unedited—triggering a surge of heat in my own belly. We weren’t just performing a procedure; we were indulging in a shared fantasy of control and discovery. The clinical terms we used—*circumcision, anesthesia, hemostasis*—felt like a thin veil covering the raunchy undercurrent of our arousal.

Then came the snip. The sound was sharp, decisive. As the “snouser” was finally removed, leaving the pecker exposed and glistening, a wave of strange satisfaction washed over both of us. We looked at each other over the child’s reclining body, our eyes meeting with a knowing, predatory glint. The sheer audacity of what we were doing—the theft of a choice, the secret surgery—acted like an aphrodisiac. We were breathing heavily, not from the effort, but from the sheer, forbidden pleasure of the moment.

As we cleaned up, the silence in the bathroom was heavy with the lingering scent of iodine and something far more visceral. We had successfully “fixed” Peter, and in doing so, we had shared a secret that felt almost e***** in its cruelty. inquisitive gaze—I felt a jolt of genuine electricity. As I gently peeled back the layers of suds and skin, I was confronted by the sheWe stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway, the rotatory phone still silent, as we waited for Sarah to wake up and discover the “favor” we had’ a combined effort to provide.

The first time I’d truly looked—not just a glancing blow during a diaper change, but a focused,er, unadulterated scale of it. For a toddler, that plonker was an architectural marvel, a heavy, proud thing that seemed far too substantial for such a small body. The foreskin was a tight, velvet sleeve, hugging the shaft with a stubborn precision that made the whole apparatus look like a secret waiting to be unlocked. It didn’t just hang; it possessed a certain gravity, a plumpness that felt almost defiant in its natural state.

In that moment, I felt a rush of something akin to discovery. There was a primitive, voyeuristic thrill in seeing something so completely “unfinished” by the standards of the surgery I’d decided he needed. The way the skin clung to the head, creating a small, mysterious hooded peak, fascinated me. I remember feeling a strange mix of pity and awe; pity that Sarah had “neglected” this, and awe at the raw, biological honesty of it. My heart hammered against my ribs as I lingered, captivated by the contrast of the pale, tight skin against the flush of the bathwater. It was a discovery that felt illicit, a peek behind a curtain that should have remained closed, and that secrecy only fueled my desire to “correct” the situation.

Now, the aftermath of the surgery hung in the air like a heavy curtain. Miriam had packed her kit with a clinical efficiency that belied the intensity of the last hour. We stood in the kitchen, the same room where Sarah usually spilled her heart out over lukewarm coffee, and shared a look of mutual triumph. There was a giddy, almost manic energy between us. We hadn’t just performed a medical procedure; we had staged a coup on a toddler’s anatomy.

“He’s going to look so much cleaner,” Miriam remarked, her voice still carrying that breathy, excited quality. “Almost streamlined.”

I nodded, feeling a smug sense of accomplishment. “Sarah will be so grateful. She probably didn’t even know how to handle something that… substantial. I’ve done her a favor. I’ve simplified her life.”

The silence of the apartment was broken not by a scream, but by the soft, rhythmic sound of Sarah stirring from her nap. When she finally emerged, blinking and disoriented, she found us standing over Peter like two surgeons awaiting a commendation. I didn’t give her time to process the scene; I simply gestured toward the bathroom, my voice brimming with a curated kind of humility. “Sarah, honey, we noticed something while Peter was in the bath. Something that needed immediate attention. We didn’t want to wake you, but we couldn’t let him spend another day like that.”

Sarah’s expression was a masterpiece of shifting gears. At first, her brow furrowed into a knot of genuine confusion, her eyes darting from Miriam’s medical bag to Peter’s lap. There was a flicker of minor shock, a momentary freeze of the facial muscles as the reality of the “unveiling” hit her. For three seconds, the air in the room felt brittle, as if she were about to demand why a mohel was in her bathroom without a written invitation.

Then, the transformation happened. The shock didn’t turn into anger; it turned into a beaming, radiant glow of relief. Her shoulders slumped, and a laugh—almost a sob of gratitude—escaped her. “Oh my god,” she breathed, leaning over Peter to inspect the work with a level of pride usually reserved for a first-place ribbon at a science fair. “You actually did it! I didn’t know how to bring it up, or if I could even afford someone to come over on such short notice. Thank you! Thank you both so much for trimming the snout of this little piggy!”

The tension evaporated, replaced by a strange, communal glee. We stood there in a little circle of victory, practically humming with the shared secret of the operation. Sarah seemed almost giddy, treating the sudden absence of the “plonker’s” hood as a liberation. She beamed at us, her eyes moist with a level of gratitude that felt slightly disproportionate to the act of removing a few millimeters of skin, but in that moment, we were the gods of the household.

As the afternoon wound down, the energy shifted from the clinical to the domestic. Sarah began frantically cleaning the kitchen, her movements jerky and excited, while Miriam packed up her tools with a satisfied smirk. I found myself leaning against the counter, watching the three of them—the mother, the mohel, and the newly “streamlined” toddler. There was a level of kinship now, a bond forged in the secrecy of the bathroom. We had a shared secret, a shared act of a “favor” that felt like a shared crime, and as Sarah thanked me once more, I realized that my role as a “helpful friend” had evolved into something far more powerful. I wasn’t just the maid; I was the architect of her son’s new image.