7 years
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Imogen Cortis-Jones

Hey Imi. The last time I was in your apartment. Do you remember. You said I love you to me. That that wasn’t something you said to just anybody.

Darling. My dearest. All I do Every day is dream of you. I was 19 when we met you know. 23 when I fell in love with you, when you were 40, and I would watch OITNB and think what if we dated as women even before Malaysia occurred. All things I wanted to say to you. Now I’m 27 and all I do is this.

The smell of your clothes, your smell. I miss it. My body aches when I think of it. The intimacy we shared. I can’t help but replay it in my mind. I wanted it. My body wanted you. My mind didn’t, it could wait. My mind constantly thought now is not the time. I was greedy. I wanted you, on my own terms. I wanted to know your values, heart, and mind. I wanted you on a day when you had not hurt me. That’s All I wanted. To be with you without all the hurt. I cried more than once when we were together. You didnt even care about my feelings. How could i be in love with a woman who didnt love me is all I thought. That perhaps for you this wasnt love, that the good words were sweet nothings.

Your blue gray eyes. How could I forget. The way they looked up close. You were do beautiful, handsome. No other soul in the universe can replace you for me.

I was deeply in love. In My own twisted way, I believe I am still madly in love with you. You called me a crazy b**** via message.

This is stupid.

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When I was younger, about 16, I was insatiable and as a result of having my first anonymous hookup with another kid that was 16 (off omegle of all things) I sought to have more.
In this effort I downloaded Grindr and lied about being 18, eventually finding someone who hosted an anon darkroom not even 5 minutes away and who was more than happy leaving their door unlocked and a** ready. After I was invited over and tentatively entered their place I immediately set about u*********, going to nothing in a minute and slowly started up the steps to his room. Once in his room I was approached in the dark by him – a 30-something yr old man who was equally as naked but twice my size – and he reached down and started to blow me once he settled on his knees. Within minutes once I was sufficiently erect I prodded him onto the bed and had him bend over, eventually sliding in without any additional lubrication and begun to – at the age of 16 – f*** this older mans a**. I went for about 20 minutes by my estimation and slowly over the course of the f****** went from doggy, to sideways to having him lie fully down whilst I went to town on him.
Eventually I finished in him and got up and left. Once home I gushed to him about how much fun it was and how I appreciated him taking a chance with me, with some more conversation eventually leading to my age being revealed and – to my own surprise – him revealing that he’d prefer it if we kept going in spite of it. I’d meet him continuously, probably once to 3 times a month or even multiple times in the same week until I moved away at 18. I never saw his face but I remember being inside him so vividly.