I just sat there at the very bottom of the deepest part of the pool and I exhaled all the air in my lungs and watched it rise to the surface, and I kept thinking about things I never want to think about, about me, and my childhood, about the things that were done to me, and for a second I wondered if I’d really die if I just stayed there like that, and I closed my eyes and counted all the way to a hundred and sixty, and then I lost count, and it was starting to hurt. And I was so sad. And even when it was starting to burn really bad in my lungs and getting excruciatingly painful for me to stay underwater, I stayed underwater. I don’t know why, and I don’t know for how long, but it felt like forever. I just remember coming up sometime later and getting out of the pool and falling to my knees and coughing up all the water I’d inhaled when I lost control, and I was seriously trembling. And my sister was hitting me and screaming at me, asking me what I was thinking. She said she was so scared, and that she thought I wasn’t gonna come up, and she kept hitting me and it hurt. But it hurt more when she cried that she hates me. I guess I really messed up. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I feel terrible.