When I was a young boy, 10 years old, my older brother (16) and I shared a room (and a queen sized bed – it was a really small house, and we had 5 sisters, so not many options). One evening I woke up to him laying on top of me while I was sleeping on my belly.

I didn’t understand what was happening but thought it was wrestling of some kind until I felt his c*** start to work it’s way into my a******. I don’t remember if it hurt, only that I was asking him what he was doing. He just told me to be quiet so we didn’t wake anyone up and that he would get into trouble. All I remember really is him grunting and the feeling of his c*** pulling on my a******. I vividly remember how it felt when he came inside me – his c*** seemed to swell even more and then I could feel it flexing inside me. The following morning my stomach felt upset and when I went to the bathroom I had extremely wet farts which I at first thought was diarrhea, but when I got up and looked it was a mass of whitish gelatinous stuff I didn’t know what it was. I was a little afraid but too nervous to tell mom because my brother told me he would get into trouble.

This went on almost nightly, always in the middle of the night, and we never spoke except for him to sometimes remind me to be quiet. He would just f*** me until he came, then roll off and go to sleep. Sometimes it would happen early in the morning as it was getting light out. I remember him pulling out of me once and being a little upset that my a****** was not closing, and told me that I shouldn’t let anyone see it because he would get into trouble. Whenever I had to go to the doctor for anything, he was very nervous and asking if they checked my a******.

The nightly fuckings continued, however badly he felt or nervous he was about being discovered. That is, unless he was seeing a girl who was giving him s**.

After awhile it just became normal, at least for a year or two and I matured s******* myself. I experienced my first o***** while I was facedown and legs spread under my older brother’s c***. I didn’t know what was happening. It was the same as usual – he was f****** me slowly and in silence when I began feeling this weird “pressure” of some kind. I sort of thought i had to piss and tried to tell him but he just told me to shut up, that I could piss later. It kept getting worse. it wasn’t pain, it was just this building tension that kept happening when he went inside me deep. I started to struggle as it intensified but he grabbed my should and help me down. Then I started moaning uncontrollably and he got pissed – put his hand over my mouth and started f****** fast – I guess so he could finish and I would shut up.

Then it hit me – wave after wave of the most uncontrollable feelings rocked me like electricity. I honestly thought I was dying maybe and was p****** myself at the same time. By the time he finished I was feeling better although the f****** was hurting then, which was unusual. When he got off me I told him I thought I had peed the bed so he turned the light on to check.

There was a wet spot but it wasn’t piss. He had just force fucked the first load out of me. He was shocked. I was shocked. But we went back to bed and to sleep. That was a turning point for me, though.

After than I actively sought out the f******, and his attitude changed also – to not really wanting to much anymore. If he didn’t f*** me, though, I would get him hard in his sleep and s*** him until he was wet, then I would either back up on his c*** if he was lying on his side or sit on it and f*** myself until I came if he was on his back. He usually just remained still and let me ride his c***. Always in silence. At least this way he didn’t have to take responsibility.

It ended completely when he got married. We have never spoken of it or acknowledge that it ever happened. He did look white faced when I told my family in my mid 20s that I was gay. We talk still, but never mention it and is extremely uncomfortable when gay people or g****** is being discussed. I think he will live his entire life in fear that I will reveal to the family that he used me for a cumdump.