I love the idea of being abused, and when I get really depressed, the urge to be beaten and abused gets stronger. I want to ask my boyfriend to beat me, to bruise me, to choke me until I pass out. I love when he chokes me during s**, the fact that he could kill me with little effort makes me so excited in a way that I can’t explain. It’s almost intoxicating. I want him to treat me like I’m less than human, cut me, piss on me, etc. I just want him to treat me terribly, but only at certain times and only when I consent to it.