The life i dreamed of, have always wanted, will never be… as my world crumbles around me, i feel helpless. Is this the man i was supposed to be? Spiraling downward inside while the shell that is me hides my immense pain and failures? I had clung to the hope that things would change, yet i am still buried in bills while trying to support my family’s needs, while also shoveling out money to keep her bank acct above 0. I try to work and pay bills and keep things clean, but i can’t… both vehicles need repair, we do well to make it week to week, our tiny house is a disaster.. which only further drowns my dreams and anxieties. I was to be the white knight, the one with the answers, the one who conquered life and lived out the simple dreams of love, family, happiness, faith. I was the one dreaming of the future of love i fear ill never experience, a home in which i could be the father I’ve always dreamed i could be, the man people could say “HE is a good man.. a good father, a good friend” My kids keep me going, but i fail them and it devastates me inside. I only hope that somehow they will rise above me and shine as i dreamed i could. I was the one with dreams……but who now, is going to save ME?
