To call this a dream is not accurate, but a dream is more than a fantasy. Even as bad as it hurt to hear growing up and fight it/convince myself it was not true, even as much as I adore women and p****, I am a f*****….and I do not use the word to insult myself. It is simple factual knowledge that no matter how many women I have been with, capably pleasured, and enjoyed every moment of it, a borne f***** I am. Alpha gay men sense it in me. Women typically do as well. While I have sucked several c**** in my life, and done so blissfully regardless of their size or what their owner looks like, the first time a c*** entered my mouth, it was a head rush and felt utterly natural. But I am an incomplete f*****, while I have fucked myself with toys many times, the ultimate act of a c*** f****** me has not happened. Even though I was essentially begging for it. For me, there are four stages I long to experience. The pressure of a c*** entering me, and the head popping beyond the ring of my bottom. I want that inner moment of panic, joy, shame and horror when my mind shocks with the sensation and acceptance that I have gladly accepted a c*** in my a**. I crave the next stage….feeling that c*** push deep into me, breathless as I feel a man’s balls press against my own, feel his hips press against my cheeks. Despite the fear, there is also the craving of that c*** beginning to move, to f*** me, to accept that this is not a toy under my control, this is a c*** that controls me as it seeks what it wanta from me, as a man and his c*** use my body for their pleasure knowing that I am so ashamed of myself yet so willing and loving every moment of it. And then that final moment…a man about to c** in my a**, the ultimate expression of a f*****. I want that shock to my mind and body and even my soul, even if I am in tears and begging for it to stop…the peace, no matter how upsetting it is to truly accept that this is what I am, panicking as the shock to my system screams “oh my god what are doing only a f***** would do this…” even though it conflicts with that other screaming inner voice trying to deny it is true, please god I don’t want to be a f*****. I have known this truth ever since the first c*** entered my mouth and it was beautiful blissful peace. No longer a guilt or suspicion, not even questioning what I was doing, whether he would c** in my mouth, whether I would swallow and want more.

It is the truth that I love p**** so much, always craving the scent and taste of it in my mouth. The concept of being in a relationship with a man is laughable and it would not have what I need in a relationship. That only can come from a woman. But those truths do not change what I know I am. A natural borne f*****.

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