I don't talk about you anymore, nor do I see you anymore. I still love you though. I think I'll always love you regardless if you ever really loved me

12 years

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I don’t talk about you anymore, nor do I see you anymore. I still love you though. I think I’ll always love you regardless if you ever really loved me like you said you did. I know you do not think about me anymore, feel anything for me anymore, or care about me anymore but I will always have a soft spot for you. It’s been two years since I last saw you. As much as I miss you, I still would walk the other way if I ran into you because I’m ashamed of myself. I let myself go completely. I gained 45 pounds when we ended. Then everything went down hill. I’m a disgusting p************ mess. I wouldn’t want me either. I know you’ve moved on to other girls, who are probably much prettier, much thinner, have nicer skin, are just better, but please, I hope you never think of me as a regret.

New Confession

I wish I knew others that had experienced this before. You dated someone just to find out they’re a narcissist that ends up replacing you with a dangerous criminal and within months the criminal passes away. This criminal wanted to write me a letter using a relatives mailing address and my relative said that she wasn’t getting involved in drama. I forgive but in the back of my mind,I question if God protected me from serious harm. Why do I feel as though this person faked their death and has actually left America when the website for the funeral home is trustworthy and they wouldn’t keep fake obituaries? Why do I feel my ex will find someone else to finish a dirty deed the previous and deceased partner had planned? Seriously, I wonder if anyone else had this experience before.

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I have a deep hate for the self help industry because it’s like its own type of religion…if you just believe and work hard enough, you’ll go to success heaven. I fell for it hard for awhile in the early 2000’s with my attention and money until I finally started opening my eyes to the patterns of BS. One of the patterns I started noticing were wealthy successful people in interviews talk about their similar “homeless to billionaire” origin stories that put them in a light of how hard they worked and scraped to get to where they are now, but almost nothing about the actual steps in between. Step 1: had nothing. Step 2: worked hard. Step 3: billionaire! It drove me nuts because I always ended up with the thought “but how did you actually get there?” They sell the idea of success because everybody loves the rags to riches story and it wouldn’t be so inspiring if they were thoroughly honest about what was available to them that isn’t for most people.