I’ve had suicidal thoughts….a lot of them…ever since the 6th grade I just don’t find whats so important about me that I need to stay. I feel like I always get in the way of everyone and everything. If I was gone, wouldn’t it be better? My friends only pretend to like me. I know I’m kind of annoying but if I am, they should just tell me….right? My parents barley pay attention to me. It’s either “Hannah this Hannah that” or “Lily this lily that” its never me. They spend their time and money on them. Making sure THEY do what they want to. Im the middle child so this is to be expected…but I don’t want to live. I don’t. And I can’t tell anyone or talk to anyone because they will just send me to a f****** therapist. I fantasize about killing myself almost every second of every day now. And I never have the guts to do anything about it. I’ve cut myself several times (which my friends ONLY know about) and I just want to die. The other night…about a week ago, I took some pills. Hoping it would kill me, but it didn’t. Because they were just f****** ibuprofen. I took about 90-100 of them. I got up from a “nap” (i passed out because of the pills) and my dad took me to the ER and they just told him it was the flu or something. No one knows and I just want to talk to someone about it. I want to talk to someone that I don’t know because then they can’t tell anyone. My friends all cut or have…but I just wish someone would honestly know that I’m depressed instead of me having to tell them. Because sometimes I want to tell them…because I know its a bad habit to think about cutting and killing myself…but I can’t. It would turn out bad. Like…really bad. So i just wish someone would ask me whats honestly wrong. I wish I had someone to talk to and to actually give me good advice. Just….someone. I want someone to talk to me…