In college; I hated myself, she hated herself, and we didn’t like each other all that much. so we would f*** every so often until we reached apoint where we decided to f*** regularly and call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. this offered temporary relief from the self-loathing, but ultimately fed it once the f****** was done. it was a fairly low point in both our lives, so that i don’t really feel guilty over that. you do what you have to do to wake up every morning and live your miserable life.

About two months into this “relationship” that we both kind of knew wasn’t working, but we weren’t willing to give it up. I start hanging out with another girl between classes in a completely non-romantic way and the conversations I would have with her were the first thing in years to make me feel good. after a few months, I started to feel guilty because it felt like cheating on the Original girl. so I told the Second Girl, out of a weird and unhelpful sense of honor, I couldn’t continue seeing her. eventually, Me and Original Girl Break Up, Second Girl was gone.

was it true love? I don’t know. but I regret choosing relationship that started out Broken over one that could have been started in a good way.