12 years
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I think that I might fell in love with my lecturer!!! Oh my god! what should I do. He is a new lecturer and he is teaching one of the subject I’m taking this for this semester. He is still young maybe in his late 20’s. At first I didn’t really care about him even though my friend was fangirling him. I started to have this weird feeling when he started sending me chat. We talked about a lot of things like the subject he’s teaching, interests and our home town. He will put on jokes and can be sweet sometimes which makes me forget that the person I am chatting with is my lecturer . Then I found out that we have the same interest in movie. We talk about it a lot and sometimes we keep chatting till late night. During class we will act normally and he only talks to me when I’m with my friend. During his lecture’s I will avoid meeting his gaze cause I can feel my cheeks burning up. There is one time take a look at his finger when he is not looking and saw he is not wearing a ring which makes me extremely happy but yet deep inside of me I am feeling guilty. I was so confused with my own feelings.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.