Living with my aunt continued.....i found the courage to tell her i was grateful for her help and guidance with my self pleasure addiction. She

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Living with my aunt continued…..i found the courage to tell her i was grateful for her help and guidance with my self pleasure addiction. She acknowledged it sincerely but also laughed, teasing me by saying that i would have thanked any woman for letting me touch myself while naked with me in her shower. But then she cupped my cheek in her hand and told me it was all going to be okay, that she would help me through all the shame and guilt amd awkwardness and embarassment of it all. We had a casual day watching endless old movies together. She noticed that occasionally i would be restless and knew i was feeling the urges to touch myself. She rightly told me to not obsess over my memories of our morning shower, and distracted me by making me look in detail at the actresses in the movies we watched. Details of what i found most attractive about them head to toe. As i answered she often simply commented that my answers were interesting and unexpected. She pushed me to even answer her questions about what i would want to do s e x ually with each of them. I ended up intensely aroused talking about all these things with her and when i would involuntarily reach down to myself she would remind me….only if i asked and she gave permission. By the end of the last movie i was aching to touch myself and she just looked at me smiling, knowing that i was so desperate to play with myself and so embarassed to ask, and she said she couldnt give permission if i did not ask. I said please, i got please what in response, and she made me have to ask the complete question. I finally got it out and was stunned when she said no. She told me to stand and turn my back to her and open my pants and get my e r e c tion adjusted upward and close my pants again. She took one of the vhs movies and put it playimg again, and told me to lay on the floor on my stomach facing the tv and watch. I obeyed and she told me that i could c u m when i wanted, and i reached under myself but she snapped a stern NO. That she did not say i could touch myself, only that i could c u m when i wanted. I was so frustrated and confused but as i loked at the actresses again and remembered all we had talked about them in explicit detail, i did not quite realize i had begun grinding my hips but soon i was actively dry h****** the floor. She eventually stood over me and put a foot on my b*** and told me to slow down, sometimes telling me to stop entirely, amd i was gasping and squirming with desire. Eventually she chose for me because when one actress appeared my hips squirmed even more and she said simply ,” her….c u m for her”. I began dry h****** frantically in my pants but the scene ended before i finished. My aunt rewound it and said….again. it was repeated several times until finally with my aunt encouraging and coaching me, telling me to re imagine the things i had said i wanted to do with that actress, finally i desperately sobbed and released inside my pants. My aunt sat down next to me on the floor, telling me i had done well, called me a good boy, which did the most unholy things to me emotionally and mentally, but she kepy telling me she was so proud of me and rubbing my back and shoilders as i caught my breath. Then a swat on my b*** cbeek and she said let’s get you cleaned up. We walked to the bathroom and i undressd while she started the shower but she told me to get in and get cleaned up, she was only there to make shre i did not try to sneakily m a s turbate without her. It was very disappointing but becsuse i had spent so much energy getting myself off in my pants dry h****** the floor that i was unsure i would have anyway. But as i showered to clean up i was reminded of the morning shower with my aunt and my body began getting aroused again and my aunt asked if my new e r e c tion was for her. I admitted it was and she made me admit that it was because i liked being watched naked and she sat there smiling and told me to remember i had to ask, and i had to admit that it was about her watchimg me. She was clothed and told me to stop looking down as i eagerly played with myself and told me that even a lesbian expects to be looked in the eye when they were the subject of someine’s self pleasure. When she could tell i was close she told me to c u m for her snd i did so instantly, moaning and gasping. Once i recovered and cleaned up she told me that she also expected me to thank her for letting me make myself c u m for her, and i swore i would never forget again. She helped me towel dry and told me to not bother getting dressed, that she didnt want to be forced to figure out if i got aroused again. She let me lay stretched out with my head on a pullow in her lap with her hand stroking my cheek until bedtime as she decided, and i was groggy from having c u m twice in short order. She slept in her bra and oanties spooning me from behind while i was still bare, and i drifted off quickly. I woke a few hours later realizing i was hard again and stirred, waking my aunt up. She had me lay on my back with her alongside me in the dark talking to me softly, telling me to think about the actress, talking quite explicitly, and it did not take long before i spurted on my stomach, mid o r g a s m crying out thank you, she made me say it fully, and she got a towel for me to clean up with. Next thimg i knew it was morning and she was tickling me and telling me it was morning shower time.

To be continued..

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Living with my aunt during college part 2…after that shower experience with her, she sat me down for a long heart to heart. She said that her concern was not that i played with myself in general, just that apparently if my mother was to be believed, i did it excessively and to a degree or amount of time that would become problematic over time and would probably also continue to escalate. She made sure to tell me thst it was not about shameful or disgusting behavior, it was about how i was at risk of it becoming even more obsessive and distracting from classwork that was about to start in a couple of weeks, and also that it could be a very self isolating behavior. She said that she was not going to try to control me or refuse to allow me to do it, but wanted me to trust her to help me learn to do it in a saner way. She did mention that my mother telling her that she often caught me bent up in a way that allowed me to give myself oralndid concern her, because that was something that could become something by which i would risk degrading myself and could result in me having future problems trying to even relate to someone for s** or make me feel unsatisfied by s** with someone in the future by setting a bar that mo one could meet. So she started asking tough questions and some of my responses surprised or even shocked her. How often did i play with myself, what did i think about, what triggered me to do it each time, how long i had been self s*** ing, trying to get an idea of how big the problem was. It was bigger than she thoight, she told me, a lot bigger than even my mother had said, but she did not think i should be made to feel disgusting or perverted about it. She told me some stories about her past and self pleasure discoveries, and some about my dad, and she hoped that knowing that she and my dad both had their own struggles with heavy obsessive mastur bation would allow me to see her as a loving guiding light or mentor to help me get some kind of sane balance. She ssad that she wanted me to try my best to stop unless she knew and felt it was not excessive, but also said she knew that that would be very difficult to do, and that there wpuld be consequences if i failed. That i would have to learn to expect and respect her telling me no. That she expected the truth and to never lie or sneak or try to hide it. She also warned me that there were no circumstances under which she would tolerate me disrespecting her in general or her rules, and to never forget that while she was completely and directly injecting herself into what i had for a s** life, my own hand, that i should remember that she was not to be heavily sexualized nor should i take her complete insertion of herself into my sse x u ali ty as something i should dare expect would become more than her being a stability and guidance and loving sort of therapist for what was obviously a severe addiction to pleasure with my own body. That this was going to be very difficult for me but she would not be deliberately punitive without me giving her a reason to be. She gave me the basic first rules…..we would shower together each morning, i was free to play with myself, i was allowed to look but never touch, and that i needed to accept that she would talk to me while i did it because she needed to understand how my head worked and what i was thinking as i did it. That silence was isolating and the enemy. I would also possibly be allowed at bedtime. But i was expected to ask permission, and to tell her when i was tempted or wanted to play with myself. She assured me it would all be positive as long as i respected her and understood she had my best interest but also my happiness and ability to enjoy my body in a sane and balanced way. It felt like a good thing and not control or punishment.

To be continued.