I want to confess here because I'm so ashamed to confess to family or friends. I'm a Christian but have so much difficulty staying focused on Christ. For

12 years

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I want to confess here because I’m so ashamed to confess to family or friends. I’m a Christian but have so much difficulty staying focused on Christ. For the most part am a good person. I have a big heart and I feel compassion for others. However I notice I backslide when I’m lonely. It’s my loneliness that leads me to enter unhealthy relationships with men. I long so much for the love of a companion. All my friends are married and I just keep wondering when is it my turn? It’s not a daddy issue, my father was and is still is very present in my life. I had a good example of a Christian marriage in my two-parent household. I’m not sure what it is with me. I just tend to lose myself in flings and relationships. I made a promise to myself after my last relationship that I would truly live for Christ and guard my heart and my body. I have failed 4 times since then. I let these men sweet talk me, even the ones that claim to be Christians. Next thing I know I’ve opened my heart and my legs, only to realize that person never cared about me. I used to think it was them but it’s me. Because it just happened again. I’m angry at the guy blaming him but I’m also mad at myself. How many times do I have to allow my heart to break over a silly guy that hasn’t paid the true price for me? I’m praying for my forgiveness and repenting. It’s just so difficult to receive God’s forgiveness. I’m so mad at myself. The last guy I really thought we had a connection and that we could be together and be celibate. That lasted 2 days. I gave in because my will is weak and my walk is weak. I want to be stronger in my spirit. Not sure how to go about it. I’m praying daily, fighting back tears am memories of these men that I allowed to use me and break me down. Hoping and praying that peace and understanding come soon. I so want to overcome.

New Confession

I’m male, work a high power job, good salary. After work I dress as a female to relax.
Recently I discovered, having my testicle out side my pan+ties, under my dress, keeps me cooler. Just wanted to put this out there.

Related Confessions

When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.